A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi.It has been 6 months since I worked and move to a different country. The first month I got here, the distance makes her miss me more and more. I feel great and for a moment, I think long distance relationship isn't bad at all. To save phone bill, we use instant messenger to talk.The problem started 2 months ago. She no longer seems excited talking to me. She told me she is busy fighting in youtube about elections.I'm thinking that is kinda stupid because fighting online? She is 30 years old and I think she is too old for that. Discussion would be fine but she once showed me her comment in youtube, my goodness, cursing like crazy.So, when I talked to her, she takes minimum 5 minutes to give me irrelevant reply. For example, I asked how is your day? She replied hello?It happened once that it takes her 3 hours to reply to me. Out of blue sky, she cursed me and saying I fantasize about sex with another girl while watching porn.She registered a new username to fight in youtube. She said she wanted to pretend to be a guy to ease the fight. I didn't ask but she gave me the password. As I know, she told some guy about her real identity.Now, she online for 3 to 4 hours during weekday and 6 to 8 hours during weekend. Well that is our usual online time but now the most we talk is about 10 minutes, minus all the waiting time. Oh, if I reply slow, she will start nudge.I want to move on but I felt she is a psycho. I think she knew, during that time, she text and call me almost every day. Now that she know am back, she ignores me like she always does.I brought this problem to her and all I get is her curse. I asked my friends, they said she might found someone else and told me I need to move on. So, now I decided to ask here. To see what you all think.Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): I totally agreed with Arlo. Verbal communication is way better. When I just got there, I called her everyday, once to twice. She said I am annoying and wasting all her air time. So now, I called her once a week or whenever she asked me to call her.
No contact will not work. She doesn't care about me and she rarely initiate any conversation with me.
I just talked to her, she said she has nothing to talk. I asked her about her day, her living, she doesn't replied.
From youtube, it appears that she met a guy. She has a lot of things to talk to him. Yes, she told that guy, she is a she. It is contrary when she wanted to get a new nickname just to hide herself.
I do think why this happened. I can't find anything wrong with me when I do everything in her ways. She even called me idiot when I brought up this matter.
Guess, I get clear answer. Time to clear up my feelings and take a break from love.
Thank you for the replies.
A
female
reader, JOL  +, writes (7 October 2008):
I just posted on your question from September, I hadn't seen this one. Why are you apart? It seems that either she is immature or she has a reason for being rather distant from you. Swinging from being overly full on to nothing at all is not great, try not to push at all.
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A
male
reader, Arlo +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Hiya,I completely understand your position here. The outward signs are not good and do not bode well.Everyone handles and deals with LDR (Long Distance Relationship) separation differently. Some people can adapt quite easily and are content to sit back and wait for whichever opportunities arise for you both to be together and will be patient throughout.Other people, however, cannot deal with the separation very well and will usually end up lashing out and hurting the person closest to them - usually you!In my own personal experience, I have found that a telephone call goes a LOT further than 100 chats online via instant messaging. IM's, like emails, cannot impart sentiment or feeling - they're just words on a screen (much like these) and can all too easily be misread or misunderstood, sometimes with devastating consequences.So, my advice here simply is to pick up the phone, call her, and ask her outright if she still wants the relationship. If she does, you need to make it clear that you need to establish better channels of communication to ensure that there is no scope for misunderstandings or confusion. Bin the emails and IM's - pick up the phone! Ok, it costs, but what price do you put on a relationship you feel is right for you? If cost is a major issue, still call, but less frequently. It will be all worth it when you do.I wish you good luck and hope that you can get closure soon, whether that is good (hopefully for you) or not.Take care!Arlo.
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