A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a very good friend, sue, who Ive known for years now and I would call her one of my best friends. She is in a relationship with a guy and they have a child together. But their relationship is quite rocky and they are always splitting up and getting back together. The thing is, when she splits up with him she always calls me and expects me to be there and go out with her. Then when they get back together I never hear from her. She's been like this for years and Ive often fallen out with her over it, saying that she only has time for her friends when she doesnt have a boyfriend and she apologises and says she will be more of a friend, but she never is. Now, its my birthday tomorrow and Im having a a party. Ive invited her 3 weeks ago and she promised she would come. But I havnt heard from her for 2 weeks and I get the feeling she is trying to avoid me. Im hurt, all my other friends have made the effort to come out, even the ones I hardly see. Her boyfriend goes in the army in 3 months and i know she will always be ringing me and wanting to go out. But I feel shes using me. Should I break all ties with her? As Ive tried talking to her about it but a few days later she just returns to how she was before. I dont see the point in being friends with her no more.
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 She is using you especially since you spoke to her and she is aware of your feelings about this. Friendship has to go both ways and that includes seeing each other as well as being there for each other, its time to walk away from her as things won't change. Don't worry about her not going to your birthday as the event will help you to move on and that alone is worth it.
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Here's the thing. It's great that you have recognized that she isn't a great friend. In fact, she's a rather poor one. Friends are their for each other, no matter who else is in their life. I would understand if she lived far away and she couldn't make the drive to see you, but your birthday? She is using you in a way. She is making time for you only when her boyfriend isn't there. This behavior will never change. It's just something that some people do. Now the question is, are you willing to except it? It's a rather one sided friendship, and there aren't too many benefits from it. So in my mind, it's not worth the effort. What do you do? I would stop trying to get in contact with her. And when she does ring you when her boyfriend is gone, I would just tell her that you're busy. Have her get a taste of her own medicine. If this doesn't make her come around, nothing will. So don't worry about it and remember that you do have friends who take the time and effort to see you. Don't overlook the good things in your life by focusing on the negative. It isn't fair to those who really care for you. :) So good luck, and don't put in effort toward those who clearly aren't doing the same for you!
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