A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not quite sure which category this should go into, since it's a long story that crosses a few.So I met this girl online. This was about two years ago and we met on a penpal website, not a dating website. She's a Korean who lives in South Korea, I'm British and I lived in England. Now I'm living in South Korea too. I'm 23 and she's 20. She's never had a boyfriend or even kissed someone.At first we were friends only. Over time we wrote increasing long e-mails to each other, started talking on instant messengers and even occasionally texted each other. There were some gaps due to exams or study on both of our parts and her sister going into hospital often though. For my work I was going to move to Japan or South Korea and let her know this and that I wasn't sure which country I'd be accepted in. At this point we were very close friends only, in name. Eventually we admitted to having some interest in each other and talked about dating (including planning a few) and even kissing (a big step for her).Now that I've got here though, it seems like she's not interested or very hesitant. I'm not sure which. We talked about it a little, but she seems uncomfortable talking about it. She seems to be all over the place in her answers saying not interested, interested but need to know each other more, maybe in the future, etc. One other factor is she'll be moving closer soon, so I should see her more often. She often calls me her close friend, telling me she sees me more than anyone else and sometimes in her 'maybe' answers, calls having a relationship as becoming more than close friends. When we meet we often hold hands, but once said she should stop if I consider it as romantic, rather than platonic.I'm not sure what to do. I'm very interested in her, but I'm not sure about her. I can't think how to move forward, with her so uncomfortable about the topic, but if I don't, then it may fossilise into just thinking of me as a friend.What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:
She's not my girlfriend, which is part of the problem. As said, she's calling us 'close friends' now.
She does have limited experience. She went to all girl's schools and now she's in a women's university, with a limited amount of men.
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (28 January 2011):
 I think your girlfriend is just shy and inexperienced which is why she blows hot and cold. One minute she is keen to move forward the next she is not sure what she is doing or what she wants. This does sound like someone who has had very limited experience of the opposite sex. It is probably all a bit daunting for her and the fear of the unknown. I would say she is into you and likes you but is scared. Take your time and her moving closer will definitely make things easier. I think if you like her that this will be a long waiting game until she feels comfortable and at ease with you. Try not to push anything.
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