A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this girl for 3 weeks now, we have developed a really good relationship, and I was under the impression that we were both virgins. The other night however, she informed me that she is in fact not a virgin, not even close. I am the only person she has told this. I like her a lot, but I find it tough to see how I can stay with her. I want to really bad though.
View related questions:
both virgins Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): That was an excellent answer from Blue Angel and I agree with her 100%. I was also the first guy my wife ever had the need to tell about her past when we started dating. That was because she thought that she was falling in love with me or would very soon. That is probably why your girlfriend wanted to tell you. My wife thought that I was different than the other men who she had dated and slept with and had to get all of the things that she was not happy with about herself out in the open as soon as possible. Blue Angel is most likely correct that she told you because she feels guilty or ashamed about it and also thinks that there is something special about you. I know how much it can hurt you, but I would bet that it hurts her just as much as it does you.
Perhaps it would be a good idea, as Phil said, for you to get some more experience with other women. That depends on your feelings on virginity for both you and your partner, so that might not be a good idea. It is what I did, and not to try to catch up with my wife's numbers, but to understand what other women were like. My numbers are still less than half of hers, but dating others helped a lot. My wife (girlfriend at time) also encouraged me to date others. She would rather have lost me than have me make a mistake in staying with her. Just be warned that if you decide to date others that it could ruin your current relationship. It depends if your girlfriend thinks as my wife did or is more posessive.
Probably the beest advice that Blue Angel gave you is to talk to her about it. Try your hardest not to be judgemantal of her past behavior and try to understand that many women are promiscuous not because then are sluts, but because they feel unattractive, unwanted or something like that. Many times it is not fun for them and it actually might make them feel worse about themselves. If you are lucky, she actually enjoyed the sex with others. If you are good to her, it is likely that she will enjoy it a lot more with you and will be a great lifelong sexual partner and partner in general.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Er...Maybe we are because of men like you perhaps....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): There seems to be a lot of hypocrisy from some of the women here. You complain and antagonise men who lie being a virgin and take a woman's virginity, and also a lot more sympathetic to a woman's virginity than to a man's. Well here is a male who is actually genuine.@Q: Well it's up to you really, I don't understand what the problem is with looking for a virgin partner when you are one yourself. It's a special experience to share with someone you love who is also a virgin because you both explore and share your firsts for the first time.I say wait it out and consider hard, because you're only a virgin once. It's up to you how you want to lose it. If you decide to lose it to her and then things don't work out, you'll be risking ever having having a virgin to virgin first. Consider you feelings hard.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): And I thought it was only in our country that virginity was strongly overrated.
Honestly if you sincerely love a person her past shouldn't matter to you at all.Just think of the trust and love she has in order to confide in you.She could have hidden it from you.she didn't.That shows her to be a genuine and lovely person.
you are lucky to have such a girl in your life.she is a human being with feelings.she had every right to live her life the way she deemed right before she met you.If she did something wrong in the present-that is-while she is in a relationship with you that would be wrong.
I hope you realize her value and not let the past spoil maybe the greatest thing of your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Think with your head, not your d**k, nor even your heart ... what you want to do with your virginity? Does she deserves it? I for one think not:
"[...] she informed me that she is in fact not a virgin, [[not even close]] !???!"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): If you're the kind of guy who would dump a girl he 'likes a lot' just because she's not a virgin then maybe you're not the right guy for her!Everyone has a past! I think Emilysanswers sums it up perfectly. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and a girl did that you? bit daft dont you think?
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (23 November 2008):
 She apparantly likes you alot and wanted you to know what you were getting into. Now the choice is up to you. The fact that she isn't a virgin can be hard for you to except. However it doesn't mean that she is a bad person or that she will ever cheat on you. A tarnished reputation is sometimes hard to live down so you have to know that you can deal with things.
If you really like this girl I don't think I would just walk away because she isn't perfect. None of us are! Sometimes people do things that they regret and the fact that no one else has ever been told could mean she is very ashamed. Since you were the one person she has chosen to tell, my guess would be that she really likes you and did'nt want to risk loosing you if by chance you did find out.
Talk to her about it. Let her know you are concerned that is the best way to get it all out in the open. If she is otherwise a nice girl then it could be well worth placing a little Faith in her corner. You could possibly be the one to get her to change her ways. Promiscuity is not a good thing and sometimes it's just a matter of wanting to be and feel loved. Sounds strange I know but it's true. It happens.
Take your time in the relationship to let things go slow enough to see the change in her patterns. Don't worry so much about her past if you want to have a future with her. Just be honest and open, communicating your feelings with kindness. She might suprise you! :-)
*Just a note....Let ye among you who have not sinned, cast the first stone!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 November 2008):
GASP a woman in 2008 has had sex before she met YOU!
How can this be!
Get over yourself. You can't expect every girl you meat to be a virgin unless you hang out with highly religious types who will only have sex once you marry them.
Why would you dump a wonderful girl just because she has been with another guy? Welcome to the 21st century.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): So what do you want to know?
You're the only person she's told? I think you need to get a grip on reality - there's at least one other bloke that's well aware she's not a virgin!
I'd suggest you get back to her after you've been around the block a bit yourself, then you'll be on an equal footing. Other than that, you'll just have to get used to the idea. It's no big deal, and she could be quite an interesting sex instructor when you get around to it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): If you love her enough, you will accept the fact that she is not a virgin, and it won't matter to you.You must decided how strong your feelings are for her.Good luck.
...............................
|
