A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am i doing the right thing?After a turmoil beginning, she got pregnant and we had a love/hate relationship. We had a son. After he was 3 months I asked her to leave, for what I consider his sake. I consider my relationship abusive meaning she didn't hesitate to give me a black eye and I would never retaliate. And she didn't care that she would show her anger in front of our newborn.I have asked her to go to therapy and told her without time, we could not resolve our problems.She has decided that i either let her move back in, or she is moving 1000 miles away. Am i doing the right thing by letting her go, with my new son?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): First of all I am appauled by what is going on. Everything seems to be based on emotional blackmail, I'll do this if you don't etc...I'm sure you've both heard each other argue like this. However, you have a child together and he is an innocent person in this whole scenario. I admire you want to seek therapy and try and get her to address her anger it must be incredibly hard to just live day to day in a routine with what you've described. However I agree with the previous posting that you protect your child, your right as a parent...I think you start talking seriously with your lawyers. If you are as willing to DO ANYTHING for being a parent to your son then do it. Behave correctly and be really smart. Documenting stuff, whatever you can...but your child is absolutely the priority not how you feel about her. If she is abusive then do everything in your power and finances to stop him from falling victim too. Good Luck
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (21 May 2007):
 I'm so glad to hear that you have a lawyer, but I kinda wish you were going for full custody. If she can hit you, who are so much larger than she, then what's to keep her from hitting your son? She should have supervised visits only.
My husband's mom was abusive, both to her husband and their children. His dad left, but left him and his sisters with her. Big mistake.
And of course you did nothing to provoke being hit. Even if her anger was justified (no judgment here) NOTHING justifies hitting you. You take care of you and your son, knowing that you've done nothing wrong and quite a few things right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer no, i didn't provoke her to hit me. There were 4 separate occasions. The third time, i told her if she ever hit me again I would not be with her anymore. I am twice her size, but i would never do anything to her.
I have retained a lawyer and filed joint custody papers although they have not been served. I was waiting to see how things unfold. She has made my decsions very difficult by saying that she is sorry and has changed and will never do these things again. But she has a bad track record and i have lost all my trust.
Penta thanks for the advice and i am leaning that way and taking those steps.
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A
female
reader, Bittersweet +, writes (18 May 2007):
 I think for the most part you are. I am going thru almost the same thing only the other way around. With all the anger I think it takes time to heal and realize what an important part of life that person is in your life. I just kicked out my husband a week ago for almost the same. He is verbally, physically and emotionally hurting me in front of my 3 month old. I know I will struggle without him financially with the baby, but i want him to know the value of this relationship. Why did she hit you? is another question. Now if you cheated i think maybe she should not have all the fault. My husband has PTSD from the war and he treats me like shit. I should have known better but i love him regardless. I just wish he would respect me and everything i do and got thru with his condition. But he is ignorant and selfish. SO he is on his own right now until he realizes this marriage is worth it
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (18 May 2007):
No. You need to fight her for custody. Do not let this woman raise your son. Get a lawyer now.
Do you have any proof of her abuse? Did anyone see you with the black eye? This will be important in the court case. See if you can document it in any way, no matter how small.
You deserve to be free of her, but so does your son. For his sake, fight for him.
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