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male
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anonymous
writes: I met my girl friend through my Xbest friend and he told me before hand he had sex with her. I was ok with it and we started a relationship. After 1 1/2 years together my girlfriend she left me for him.during the time he was seeing her It was unknown to me that they were together. I was still in love with her and yearned for her to be mine again. One day while we were on a date together after having sex she told me she was with him and apologized for the whole thing.We got back together and its been 4 months since and My feeling for her are not as strong as they were before everything happened. I love her but sometimes I feel messed up about eveything, my Xbestfriend doesn't talk to me anymore and I dont know whether to call him and confront him about it?or should I just let it go and move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): I agree with Mr. Ed-it's time to move forward and bury the past. This will the only way to salvage your good friendship. At some point you have to say and accept "It is what it is." You can't do anything about what happened before, but you can do a lot about what you're doing now. Don't waste emotional energy and precious time with the regrets. Sit your friend down, just the both of you and re-connect. Communicate, talk, share some laughs. Don't let a bad experience keep you both from living your life to the fullest and experiencing a great friendship. It comes down to choices, dear. You can go through life suspicious and angry, or loving and laughing. Take care and I hope it works out for you.
Hugs, Irish
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reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (23 December 2005):
 This is very sticky and uncomfortable for you I'm sure of that. This actually happened to me I wish I could tell you it gets better. I don't think it has for me. My Best friend had this girl and they used to mess around then he dumped her and moved to another. The new one and him lived together for almost 4 years and then they split. During that 4 years his X and I hung out for lack of anything better to do: We fooled around all summer and then it was as if nothing happened. He knew dam well I was with her all summer. So after his 4 year break up; (you guessed it) they wind up married. Of course now I'm married. We talked briefly about it it and he ask if I would have a problem with him marrying her. I told him NO but I wanted him to know that him and I were best friends and that if he did this he needed to accept the past and love his present and his future. I told him in addition don't EVER hang it over her head because you weren't there. So after there marraige began our lives became different. I felt uncomfortable going around her and a couple of times she would get too close to me.It's like this my best friend and I have grown up and I've know him for oh.. ummm...28 years. I knew her for 3 months. I have way more love and respect for him. One time she came to my house to discuss their argument. I was shocked she was there without the kids and alone and fixed up with perfume. She cried and wanted to be held. I honestly think that this was her way to get back at him by taking his best friend away. Anyway she made her move and that was where the sh*t hit the fan. I almost threw her back. I told her what in the hell are you thinking. She got pissed and said that if I didn't have sex with her she would tell him everything. I was like what everything? She said she would make it up. Well he called me about an hour later bitching, crying, moaning and all messed up. It took 4 years for this LIE to work itself out. Nowdays he's still my best friend and it's been 4 years since it blew over but our relationship has and probably won't ever be the same. Over a peice of a** that I didn't get. Communication between friends is very important.
Remember alot of wars and fights are started over women. Some are worth fighting for and sadly, some are not. I doubt your relationship you once had will ever be what it once was however no relationship will ever be what it once was. You could dump her but I think you do love her. You could confront him but I think you sorta miss him. Or you could get both of them together at the same time and say look guys, I love both of you and let's put this behind us and all be friends. If they agree I would also suggest that they never spend alone time together as the emotional strain on YOU would be there. Good luck and I hope this helps somehow. Sincerely Ed
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