A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Im not sure how to put this.....my life long best friend and I havent had any contact for more than 5 years and I really miss her. No, we didnt have an arguement or anything. Her husband made a pass at me and I did not tell her. He has done this to many of our other friends and she is aware of his ways but chooses to ignore it by blaming the women involved and being spiteful towards them. It is her way of copeing with the situation.She begged me for years to tell her if he ever did it to me. I knew there would be no point in telling her for it would end up with her blaming me anyway. So I kept silent and avoided her husband as much as possible. However, she ceased contact with me the week after it happened. I believe her husband was afraid I would tell and so blamed me first as he has done with the others. She has lost every female friend she ever had since her marriage due to his ways and she knows in her heart that he is to blame yet she convinces herself otherwise to save her marriage.My dad died last year and this friend helped me so much in the past that I really felt I could use her support, yet it never came. Not that I expected it to but some sort of acknowledgement would have been nice.......she only lives a few hundred meters away in a town where everyone knows everyone and was fully aware of his death.I have missed this woman for many years and since my dads death I realise life is far too short for estrangements. It makes me so sad when she avoids me in the street or in town. She is still with her husband and he is still making her loose friends. Should I try to contact her? what should I say if I do?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 May 2011):
 I would write her a letter. Also I would be apologizing for not telling her that her hubs were hitting on your. You should have known better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Well seeing as she begged you for years to tell her it was probably crushing finding out from her husband ! I mean it was not clever not telling her seeing as you knew he twists it and pretends it's the girl's fault. Do contact her in a letter, but remember you don't know how far his lies have spread so don't expect much, make it heartfelt
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): I echo the others, write a letter, tell her how much you miss her, and how you wish it didn't have to be the way it is.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Just contact her and tell her that you're sorry for not telling her when her husband made a pass at you and then ask if you could try to rekindle your friendship once more. You were life-long friends and you were close, surely she will be willing to give it a chance.
As for her husband, should you ever encounter him again, should he ever make a pass at you again, call him out on it then and there. He'll have no excuse.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Write her a letter explaining that you did not instigate any engagement with her husband and that you miss her.
Be daringly honest and don't forget to add that last past about life being too short. Once the ball is in her field you'll have to let well enough alone. If she approaches it may be a great home coming of sorts. If not, just sending this letter may make it easier for you to move along.
I feel for you, and especially for her, she's left all her friends and lives with the perp. What a drag for her.
One would think she'd find wisdom and reach out to her friends, she must be a very lonely woman. Very lonely.
Posts like this make me feel sadly for this world. When we have so much to give and to receive and to waste a life feeding our fears.. so sad..
...............................
|
