A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem is that I am completely in love with this girl who I've known from the beginning of this semester. I asked her out to dinner a couple of days ago and she said she can't as a date but as maybe as mates, because she already has a boyfriend (which I didn't know about). I think she has feelings for me though, and I want to win her over! How can I do this, I can't live without her.
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 You're welcome - and your plan sounds good! "Loves hurts" can be so true huh!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice... I think I'm getting a clearer head with the situation, I certainly don't want to hurt her, but I can't help feel the way I do, and I think I will go with her as mates, and see what she does (Don't worry I will behave myself). I don't have anything against this other guy (apart from obvious jealousy etc, but I'm trying not to let that get to me) and the 'decision' is up to her. Again, I can't help but feel the way I do about her, and didn't know she was commited when I asked her out or I wouldn't have.
Thanks again for all the advice, guys :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): She's a definately maybe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): If you "love" or like her, you should respect her wishes and her honesty. SHe told you she is involved and will go with you as a friend.If you cannot or don't want to go with her as a friend, be brave enough and be honest with her and cancell the appointment.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (11 June 2008):
You can live without her...
but you've put out the invite, the rest is up to her.
If I were her, had a boyfriend and knew you were 'interested' I don't think I would go out alone with you, even as "mates" - so if she does come along maybe she is unclear about things with her man, be nice, be yourself and see what happens (I wouldn't overtly flirt tho)...just tread carefully - try to think how you would feel if you were in her boyfriends shoes!!
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I think you are going down a dangerous path here and you may get disappointed and embarrassed. How about do the dinner, "don't" flirt or step over any boundary. She says she has a guy so listen to what she says. If she has feelings for you, then this will eventually come out. But don't try anything....please! H xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): sorry, something i forgot to add....many girls are very niave, and if she was to know your intentions, she'd prob stay clear of you...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): respect what shes said.was she in her committed relationship before she met you?if so, ur intending to be a destructive force in her relationship, i wonder what her boyfriend thinks of your involvement with her.perhaps but yourself in his shoes??guys always believe the girls like them, i thinks it the way were programmed, some1 is nice 2 us, so they like us..not always.guys like you give us all a bad name. sorry if i sound harsh but i recently had 2 deal with a similar situation myself, and the other guy came off fairly badly. again, i apologise if im gettin the wrong end of the stick. keep a distance for both your sakes, and if their relationship breaks down by itself, without u sticking your ore in, then 'go in for the kill'.
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