A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im having some sexual issues with my current girlfriend who i dated a while back. She is having issues thinking about doing sexual things with guys. If we start talking dirty or start getting involved she simply cuts off when things start advancing past making out, you can just watch her mood die. She is not faking it it, thats clear as day and it makes us both feel akward and its starting to hurt my feelings even tho its not my fault. The first time we were together and we screwed around it would just keep escalating and not stop, well now we have the complete opposite problem and she doesn't know why but we have narrowed it down to several possibilities. Her asshole ex boyfriend she had after we broke up was not what she expected, and was not all that attractive an was kinda gross in some ways. She fell for him for whatever reason and now she thinks he may have turned her lesbian. Since it was such a bad experience overall. She 2-3 weeks ago got dropped by her bi friend who is a dumb and she really likes said girl to have flings with, their more or less like fuck buddies but the fact they had been friends for ever makes it a bit more involved then that. She has self esteem issues and is afraid that she wont live up to my expectations, she thinks her body is ugly when its far from it. She had major self esteem issues with her body for as long as i have known her. She has always been bi curious as long as ive known her and it does not bother me really. But the idea that she could be as she fears lesbian now, and yet still has major feelings for me but just has a hard time handling sexual stuff with males now for some reason. I love her and it kills me to think ill loose her because she is no longer sexually attracted to men. It always seems to kick up when she starts to loose cloths which really makes me think its something to do with her self-esteem. Every time on cue its happened. She has not said anything about leaving me but its the fact that its already strained our relationship and caused a fight tonight. It puts us both on edge when she looses the mood, and we both feel awkward, making a very volatile situation. The fact that i have really strong libido makes things even worse because i need a lot of sex to feel satisfied is also straining our relationship. What do i do in this situation to make her want sex and such from me like she did up till now? And how do i help her move past this if possible? Im willing to do anything to make this work, im terrified this will end our relationship if this keeps up.
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broke up, lesbian, libido, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (9 August 2010):
I don't know what to say about your girlfriends state of mind, but here is what I will say. I mean you no offence :)
BACK OFF!! She is going through an incredibly traumatic time and ALL you can think about is your libio. Try masturbating. Or search for food that lower libido and try that.
Sorry, I just had to say that that way so you realise how selfish you sound.
So back to a demure, polite response.
The best way to help her is to lay off the physical stuff. Show her you love her in other ways. Show your respect for her. That will re-assure her more than anything else.
Take her out and show her off proudly, that will make her feel like you are proud of her and are happy to be seen with her.
If you mean it, give her compliments. But don't do it too much or she won't believe you.
Try keeping the clothes on for a little while. Her ex may have abused her in some way which would explain the mind block when things start to get heated.
Show her love, take it slow and masturbate on your own. If necessary go and buy a "Fleshlight".
Concentrate on her mental well-being.
I would suggest you try and get her into some kind of counselling.
Make sure she knows you love and respect her. If you really need sex, you're going to have to find a different girl. Love means you'll wait. Even if you've done it before.
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