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I'm 13 and scared to meet 18 year old guy I have met on a chat-room!

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2005) 18 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2011)
A , anonymous writes:

i met this realy sweet guy on a chat room about 5-6weeks ago. i am 13 and i told him i was 16 and he said he was 18 and we talked alot over the fone alot n we soon feel in love. i told him the truth and he said he was fine with it.

he also just got out of a 6year relationship.

and i gave him my address. i really love him. he said he loves me too. he is the sweetest guy i have ever met. he is really romantic and he asked me to marry him and i said yes. i know he aint lying to me about himself i can tell from the way he talks and the stuff he does.

he wants to meet up sometime soon and i want to but im really scared and nerveous.

i am thinking about breaking up with him because it seems to me that he dont really love me he is just still hurting from his split from his ex.

but he makes me soooooo happy. i have never been so happy and i know if i break up with him im jus gonna be miserable for the rest of my life.

he has a really great future ahead of him and i really want to be apart of it, but i keep havin doupts about him.

do you think i should break it off with him? or do you think i have something speacial and worth keeping? i really need your help! what should i do!!????

View related questions: chat room, his ex

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A female reader, lencie1998 United States +, writes (21 April 2011):

yes

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A female reader, holinator United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2011):

u shouldnt meet up with him because well... im nt tryin to be mean or anything but he could be a pedo, and how do u know if he is lying or not u cant tell the truth and its much more safe if u find someone u know, and who u atleast trust and not some random person on a chatroom, cuz to my opinion its dangerous to meet someone age 18. And another thing he must of upset his old gf if he dumped her he must of done something to her, but its up to u if u wanna risk getting raped or something but i cant say i am definatly certin coz i cant tell the future.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

I agree with everone else here you should not go to meet him because for all you no he could be a 50 or 60 year old just trying to take advantage of you whatever you do don't chat with anymore and tell your parents ASAP so that they can notify the police just incase. god bless you and my he guide you through this troubled time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006):

hi my name is nina im met this guy on hoilday he is 18 i think a lot of him he lives in turkey and i live in england he wants me to go out there when i am 16 to marry him but im not so sure that i will i am going to see him next year anyways if you like him why not just go with what your hearts says

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006):

i think u should brake up with him ok (same thing happen to me)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006):

well if you break up with him its your choice. maybe u should ask a close friend to go with u the first time u guys hang out. just an opinion from experinces

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2006):

I think that he is dumb for dating you.he can go to jail for dating you!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006):

pk gurl first off i am 13 to and i go on chat rooms also. the first thing i want to say is people lie. he may sound sweet but u neva no what he could be hidding. and plus he is 18 and u r 13. its agaist the law to be dating somone that young so rite off the bat there u no that he proboly wants u 4 u no "a fun ride" but i may be wrong but there is a 98.o percent chance im rite. so hun just trust me he aint the 1 4 u. good luck!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006):

Definitly do not go with this guy. I know at 13 years old I thought I was mature and knew everything, and even thought I was ''in love'' a couple times. Hey, I am 18 years old now and STILL am a bit naive, but I am telling you...if this guy says he doesn't care that your 13, that is a little awkward..I mean, I have a friend who is 16 but she is mature for her age, knew her since I was 12, and she is the only 16 year old I'll hang out with..the rest have to be at least 17 or 18 like me. Being friends with someone 5 years younger is one thing, but a relationship? Sorry, over the internet? It all is too typical, don't meet this guy! He is obviously way more experienced being in a relationship for 6 yrs? Girl, he's 18...wait til your that age if you really like him THAT much stay friends..over the internet! & don't give ANY more info on yourself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2006):

well you really don't need to go out with a guy that is 18 and you are 13 but if it was me i would go and meet him if he really makes you happy.You don't need to marry him if you were going to.That is what I think.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005):

i have met a boy that is 15 and i am 11 and i met him on a chatroom and he seems really sweet and he says to me if i was older he would go out with me. he dosent want to meet me yet and he says he'll wait for me when i grow up but if you ever want to meet someone make sure you go with an adult or to a very public place. if you feel like you shouldnt go dont go and follow your gut, because this so called 18 year old might be a 39 year old so be very careful thats why i dont want to meet the boy i met on a chat room yet

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2005):

Nature has made sex a very pleasant activity. It wants you to produce babies. When he kisses you, you, or at least your body, will want to go further. Your young body will also be very desirable and he may find self control dificult. I know I would. You may experience a change in your feelings before you can legally indulge your body.

I do not advise a meeting until you are sixteen at least.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2005):

Hey.. U realli shouldn't go out with him and meet him...He could be a dirty old man trying to play with you.. I mean it's obvious that the guy isn't serious!!! He hasn't met u.. and even asked u to marry him.. No guy would seriously wanna marry a girl who's actually 13 and haven't even met.. I think this guy is too desperate.. Such guys tend to have a lot of girlfriends and flirts around..

I know that I may sound really rude but I've known girls who are hurt in this way.. Anyway.. If u wanna meet someone who'll love you so much.. Meet him face-to-face.. Cyber-space love is not real.. It's juz a fantasy..

I dun want u to be hurt.. so a strong piece of advice. Don't go out with this guy.. You just have to wait for a while and that guy of your dreams would appear right in front of you.. You'll meet him face-to-face and not in a chatroom.. So, juz wait for this guy and I really advice you not to believe in cyber-space relationship.. Coz all those I noe of.. they all turn up nasty..

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A reader, Starr, writes (3 February 2005):

Little girl are you crazy? You are only 13 years old there should be no 18 year old guy and especially no chat room.

If I were you parent I would tear a whole in your a--. What is wrong with you this is why little girls like you are missing, dead, pregnant, and struggling in life because instead of trying to get an education their looking for rapists, murderers, molesters,and kidknappers. Don't you watch the news or even the Maury show?

Girl wake up before it's too late!!

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A reader, karen, writes (2 February 2005):

Please take the advice of the warnings in the other answers, Dont ignore them.

You say you told this man that you were 16 and your only 13, it was easy enough for you to lie about your age. So how can you be so absolutley sure that he is telling you the truth.

Forget about this man and find someone your own age.

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (2 February 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntHi there,

Please listen to your doubts.

I know that this feels like real love to you because it's brand new, but I'm worried for your safety. Please take my advice:

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DO NOT MEET HIM!

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You should break up with him as soon as possible, but that's less important than your immediate safety. Never, NEVER agree to meet this guy! Not at his house, not at yours and not somewhere else. Do not go to meet him, because he probably is NOT what he told you his is.

You might feel sure that he's not lying, but people who prey on kids make a lifestyle out of telling believable lies.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but the world is full of liars, cheats and evil people who want to take advantage of your innocence. You have no way to know whether this guy is 18, 29, 41 or 60. You don't know if he's just out of prison. You don't know what he looks like. You can't know what his intentions are.

I don't want to say anything to hurt your feelings, but you have to understand that almost no adult men have true romantic feelings for girls your age. There's just too much difference in your age and experience.

I sincerely doubt that this guy wants to marry you. What he really wants to do is take advantage of an inexperienced girl and he may actually want to hurt you. He is very likely a paedophile.

Giving him your address was a really bad idea and could be a serious safety risk. This guy - remember, you don't know what he looks like or even if he gave you his real name - could be stalking you, with scary intentions.

The best thing to do right now is to tell your parents that you've made a mistake. Tell them the truth, that you've been chatting to someone you don't know and now he wants to meet you and you're uneasy about it. I promise you that you won't get into trouble. Your parents will be worried and probably shocked, but they want to keep you safe from strangers and they need to know about this guy, in case he tries something dangerous.

Tell your folks that you gave him your address, so they can alert the police if necessary.

Whatever else you do, don't chat to him any more, and don't reply to his messages. Instead get to know boys your own age that you can see and talk to and get to know in person.

You won't be miserable for the rest of your life. In a few weeks, if all goes well, you won't even give this guy a thought. But remember for next time: nothing is what it seems on the internet and people do tell lies.

Please tell your parents about this Right Now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2005):

Honey, you may feel like this will work for you and I know, at your age, I felt like an adult (and you may act that way), but this boy has a problem if he will date a 13-year-old at his age. Why doesn't he date someone his own age? No, you need to run away- and run fast.

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A reader, Rose, writes (2 February 2005):

First of all it's great that you found someone who you love and who you feel loves you too. If I were you though I would be worried about the age difference and the fact that he has just ended a long-term and serious relationship. Also consider the possibility that he has not been truthful about his age or other things. You are 13 and the fact that you told this man that and he still wants to meet you is worrisome. An 18 year old man, or any other man of legal age would back off out of respect for you and your age and just be friends until you are older. Please ask the advice of a teacher or school counselor that you trust before meeting this person. If you do decide to meet him go in the daylight to a well lit and very public place like a cafe or mall. Make sure that someone else knows where you are and when you will be back--even if it's just a friend. Do not keep this a secret from everyone and decide to meet or 'run away' with this man. This is how young women like you disappear or are seriously hurt. If you have any doubts at all you should follow your gut and break it off. Most importantly, be safe and take care of yourself, you are worth it.

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