A
female
age
51-59,
*issPerfect?
writes:I am so confused. I am with a man who I have been in love with for years. We had a short fling 7 years ago when we were both split form our spouses. He went back to her and tried to make it work, had a third child and then they eventually split up. She dumped him after he caught her with another man. I moved on and eventually got married. My husband and I split over 1 year ago and I came back to my home town where my boyfried was and we immediately got back together. He went through a tough spell when his wife left-drinking, drugs, etc...He has been clean from the drugs now for over 2 years but he really damaged his life during that time. He still likes his beer though. I'm not really as concerned with his drinking as I am with the feeling that he still loves her and if she wanted him back I fear he would jump at the chance even though he re-assures me that he HATES her. I also feel that maybe he is with me because he had nowhere to live and was not with anyone. We have several issues that we need to work through. When we argue about things he turns cold, ignors me and turns things around to put the focus on me, when he screws up. I am not perfect and don't pretend to be. He makes me crazy when he acts like that. I love him so much and fear losing him but at the sametime I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to hurt him. I'm so scared that thinks will never change for the better. Life is so short and I don't want to loose anymore time on a doomed relationship. Any advice?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 You have an overwhelming amount of mistrust, worry and doubt in this relationship. You love the man but don't know for sure if he really loves you!...It's not going to change. If he is in love with his ex wife, he is never going to let go of that and potentially he could hook back up with her at any time in the future...it's a gamble, so you have to decide if you want to take the gamble or move on to a potentially better relationship with someone else.
I know you love him but is it really worth it to sacrifice yourself for the scraps of a relationship he is giving you...is it enough?
Love is wonderful, but it can keep you a prisoner of your heart for many many years with no promise that everything will turn out right. Don't disillusion yourself...really look at yourself as an individual and decide if, in fact, you are worth more and it's time to let go.
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