A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi There,My boyfriend of 15 months and I are about to move overseas together - I've been transferred to the UK branch of the company I currently work for. We've been living together for the past year and have just come through a rough patch in our relationship, having to do with trust issues that arose while we were apart for a few weeks during the holidays. Anyway, I was wondering if it would be outrageous of me to blatantly ask him not to bring CDs containing photos of his ex with him when we move, especially as I'll be paying for our apartment and would find that sort of thing extremely disrespectful. I'm not asking him to get rid of these photos (because I would never get rid of similar photos of my ex), but to simply not bring them with us - leave them with his mother, or something. It bothers me that he has them in our current house, but I've not asked him to throw them out, though I did consider doing this myself, haha. Also, he has another CD with her stuff on it - projects from college and whatnot. He said that he'd completely forgotten about it, but made no mention of throwing it out. What's the deal? I understand hanging on to pictures, but projects/coursework too? I'm thinking of getting rid of this CD out when he's not around. There really is no need for him to hang on to it. Should I just ask him to get rid of it? If he says "no," what does that signify, if anything? What does everyone think? Thanks!
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (13 May 2010):
 I wouldn't take it upon myself to get rid of anything...but I would request he box them up and leave them with his mom!
If he refuses? He is showing disrespect for your feelings.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Hi, this is the author of the posting. Thanks to all for your feedback. No, I won't be taking any photos of my ex with me to England. I don't even have any in the house that I currently share with my boyfriend (unlike him), because I know he'd be upset if he came across them. We're likely to get engaged over the summer, so I'll probably wait until then to ask him to get rid of any stuff (other than pictures) that has to do with his ex. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I mean, I haven't saved anything other than pictures and maybe a few books from my ex boyfriend (and these are with my parents). Why should he hang on to these old projects of hers, especially when he's going to make it official with me? Time to move on, buddy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Perhaps they hold memories for him he has not expressed to you? I doubt he is gonna sit down and look through the stuff? Sometimes ppl just like to hang onto things. And personally, i would find it more disconcerting to find him looking at her pictures than looking at her work.You could go ahead and ask him to turf it, but i would just shrug it off if he would like to keep it. But i like the idea of storing it with his mum. He shouldn't have a prob with that. Memories are usually harmless, anyway he is with you right? If you are both happy in the relationship there should be no need for him to look elsewhere. If he was still hung-up on her then you prob would have figured that out earlier on, so it sound like its just mementos.It seems you might still have a few trust hangupsI trust you are leaving your ex's pictures behind as well? ;)
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 May 2010):
 Ask him to respect you and throw those CDs away.
He is no longer in the relationship and therefore they have to go out the door voluntarily or involuntary.
The only way I would tolerate things belonging to another women would be if that women passed away, in that case I would not ask him to throw it away, but for an ex that is still kicking and breathing NO the stuff have to go!
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