A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for just over 18 months now.I just wanted to ask people's advice.For the first 9 months or so, things couldn't have been better- to put it simply, we were so in love! We did everything together.She always wanted to be with me and always wanted to do things with me. The sex was frequent, loving and very special, from both of us.She gave me cards and notes saying how much she loved me. She told me all the time how much she loved me. And I did the same. Anyway, since a few months ago, things have changed. There just isn't the romance anymore. She never tells me she loves me without me saying it first. The sex is infrequent- maybe once a week, sometimes once a fortnight and then its me making all the effort it seems.She doesn't seem to want to do anything with me anymore- or if she does, she wants a group of people to do it with us too (I mean going out and stuff like that).We still spend quite a few nights together each week and she cuddles me, etc but then she just wants to sleep.Last summer we went travelling for a few weeks and spent months before planning and we got so excited. Now she's planning to do stuff on her own.We are mature students at uni and met in our first year' last year, and she does have a lot of work on now- which she didn't last year. She has lots more than me.I have my own interests and friends but I always want to be with her first and foremost. However she does not.Sometimes when we do see each other, its like she's not bothered- no affection really.Sorry I'm rambling here but its good to spill my concerns out!I guess the honeymoon period is well and truly over but is this relatively normal?What can I do to get over the honeymoon period and move on and be happy with things now?We've spoken about it and she assures me that she wants to be with me. She says she wants me to be stronger. I do trust her and know she's not cheating on me.Its difficult to have a romantic evening or whatever when you live in student digs... what can I do to spark the relationship again?All I want is for her to tell me she loves me and for her to show that she does too. When we spoke about it before, she said she did but it never comes from her. I gave her a heart shaped pebble today and she didn't want it :-(What should I do? Please help. I want to be with her and I want her to love me back. I can't go through talking to her about it again, cos I have done a lot and she gets annoyed cos I do get upset and a bit pathetic.I need to pull myself together but just am not sure how. She has such a spell over me! I'm so sorry about the length of this, I hope it makes sense.Thanks.
View related questions:
move on, period, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cloudysunshine +, writes (2 May 2009):
Sometimes people don't know what they've got when its there all the time. I don't agree with 'playing games' in a relationship, however if u just relax a bit and mayb just give her space, she'll hopefully show some affection first. Also, i do believe there are stages in a relationship, and obv the first bit is exciting. Then i think everyone has a stage where its a bit rough, but hopefully if u get thru it together, ur relationship will be stronger. Good Luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): What are you doing with your time? When you are not with her, do you sit around wishing you could be? And when you talk to her next and she asks what you did while she was out, do you have to tell her that you did nothing?
If this is the case, then she may be looking down on that fact that you seem to have unsocialized yourself and become obsessed with her. It was good in the beginning, but she started realizing how little she was seeing her other friends, and how you don't seem to have many left either. Maybe one of her friends gave her this wake up call.
When you are not around her, go out with someone else. (I don't mean female). Don't sit around waiting for her. This may be more pathetic to her. She wants to see that her man still has friends and personality.
And don't always jump to ask her for the next night out. Wait for her to come to you and pretend not to be desparate to see her. If you don't act so eager toward her, she may start to feel more interested again. Chases can be thrilling. That's why it's so much fun to have a crush on someone and not be sure how much they like you back, if at all.
...............................
|
