A
male
age
36-40,
*ost1983
writes:Hi me and my girlfriend split up a little over 1 week ago we moved really fast some people said we were mad the first night we met she never left (moved in) she lived with me for a little over 3 months but I have fallen in love with her so much.Within these 3 months we have been through so much good and bad she also turned round and said she loved me and then all of a sudden she is confused.She told me that she isn't ready for a relationship as only 6 months ago she split with her bf of 6 years and she needs space which I understand and respect. One of my problems is that she has cheated on all of her partners apart for 2 including me and she promised me that she won't sleep with anyone else at the moment but she can't promise about the future but she said she fancies me BIG time which is nice. But just the thought of her having sex with someone else makes me so angry and upset as well as sick.So we agreed on being shag buddies but I have never done anything like this before (I respect women) but I can't help it with her as she makes me so happy and warm inside when i'm with her and if you don't mind me saying our sex life is excellent sometimes 4/5 times a day.I'm so confused on what to do.... Shall I stop this now or shall I carry on in the hopes we will get back together in the future? but if I wait and she goes clubbin ect I know I will be worried sick not knowing what shes up to but on the other side if i just through it away and find out something could of happened I would be so very gutted. We have spent the past week together and I came home on Tuesday the 11.08.09 so we only had 2 days apart but in all in all we have had 3 nites apart and im hating it. She said about us being friends and shag buddies but i so want more than that with her.Can anyone advise me on what to do please?
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get back together, needs space, sex life, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 August 2009):
It will push her away, but that is the point, she'll realise what she's lost when she no longer has you to tell her she's pretty and be her free self esteem boost.
The stronger you are about this, the more she will respect it. Don't get into a yelling match, don't end it on an argument. Just let her know that you aren't willing to be used as a back up plan, and you find the whole idea incredibly hurtful, so you're leaving her to it.
Be strong and calm. Gentle yet firm.
Then she knows it's her choice to lose you and that it can be her choice to come back.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, Lost1983 +, writes (14 August 2009):
Lost1983 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmilysanswers,
Thank you for your message I know your so right but the thing is i'm worried if I keep telling her it will just push her away, to be honest i'm just thinking i'm holding onto something which isn't and won't be there.
When she comes over Saturday I will have a chat with her nothing mega just a chat so she knows what I want and what i'm willing to do and I will see what her answer is or how she acts.
If the chat doesn't go well shall I delete her contact details and leave her to it? I've never been in this situation before so I honestly don't know what to do or how to act and your right it is hard... very hard.
So any help/advice is good help/advice.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 August 2009):
I'll give you the same advice I give EVERYONE who wants to be more than sex-friends.
IT WILL NOT WORK.
She wants to go out and have sex with other men. She just wants to keep you around because she likes you and you are a good plan B in case she can't find any other men.
If you want a relationship with her then tell her that you can't be with her as "just friends" or "shag buddies."
Tell her you love her and want to be with her, so you will wait for a little while in case she changes her mind.
Then cut contact. If she gets in touch with you, ask if she's coming home to be with you. If she says no then tell her it hurts too much to talk to her and hang up.
This will be SO hard to do. But if you do it then she will realise what she is going to lose and come back.
If you go into the whole friends with benefits thing then she will lose respect for you and NEVER see you as a boyfriend to be loyal to again.
Good Luck!! xx
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