A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everybody,Sorry in advance as this is a little long but there is a lot of important details. I am 'seeing' a guy but in a confusing situation. I keep overreacting when there is no need to be. I am wondering if I am scaring him away. This guy is a very sociable person. He has a lot of friends and enjoys going out to nightclubs frequently with his buddies and meeting new people. He has a lot of Lady aquaintences but is primarily interested in being with his guy friends on nights out. I have no problem with that, hes a guy and guys are like that with their friends. I am his only lady friend whom he is sexually active with, which to me, is the most important thing.It took a very long time for me to have sex with him. Firstly, we have been talking for 9 months before we actually met as I was away for school for awhile doing research and we met on facebook. The first time we saw each other was in the library and he said he was really glad to see me and gave me a really warm hug. Hes a really sweet guy. I saw him in the library at my school frequently as he studies a lot during the school week and I do as well we would always talk and he would always have this really big smile on his face. We never hung out formally outside of school during the semester since I was always busy studying. During the break between semesters, we finally got together, the first time we hung out we kissed and fooled around then saw a movie and that was it, no sex. He had a lot of fun and so did I as I love his personality. He is so funny and always makes me laugh. The second time we hung out we had sex and it was the best I ever had. I don't think he is soley after sex since he treats me really nicely, we go out and we don't have sex every time we hang out. He has given me flowers on two occasions and lets me know how pretty I am. However, we both agreed that we don't get serious since we are both you and remain causual. We are friends but allowed to cross the boundry with each other.Lately, he seemed to lose interest in hanging out with me. But then again, the semester has started and I am busy with school. He came over late last week at night and he cuddled with me and told me it was so good to hold my body again and that he missed me so much. It felt really good to be held by him again. However, I get worried when he doesn't return my calls or invite me to go anywhere with him. I haven't hung out in a long time but at the same time I went through a rough patch in my life and started to call him all the time, get upset with him when he didn't call back and just plain annoying. I am better now, I know we are just casual and I don't want anything more and neither does he but at the same time I want us to be friends as well and not just a sex object. Like we were when we first met as we were doing both.He says he wants me to go out with him to the club but never does go out downtown with me. But then again, I don't want to bug him about it as it his time with his guys. I don't want to be too clingy and fear that I have ruined it for us. I really enjoy the time I spend with him and I can tell he does too. He is still always smiling around me whether he sees me in the library or when he comes over and loves to make me laugh and is very affectionate towards me when we are at my place and likes to hold my hand sometimes. But we don't do much except for cuddle and sleep together and we don't go to the movies that much anymore. But then again its prolly because the semester started as I have to put things into perspective. But he doesn't come over very often. However, I have found that the less I call him, the more interested he is in me and he will eventually call as that is true for many guys.I just want to make sure I am not his easy girl on the side, which I really don't think I am since he is affectionate towards me and will pay attention to me, smile and hold a conversation with me in public. We also laugh a lot when we talk and he will say the most random funny things to me. We do enjoy each other's company and I sometimes view him as a big brother.I just want to see what you guys think, do you think he really cares about me or is he using me? Or did he back of a bit since I got clingy for awhile when dealing with family problems. I plan not to get clingy again as I don't like clingy guys myself. I think I just need to get this casual thing down and relax a bit. It works out well with my busy work and school schedule and I don't want to lose a fun guy like him.Sorry if this was hard to follow or If I was redundant in any way.Thanks in advance.Kati :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDuckyhelp,
Thanks for the answer. I think I will do that. Hopefully things will eventually go back to normal how they were. But I do agree with you, your answer makes a lot of sense.
Kati :-)
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (7 September 2009):
 By the sounds of it he is trying to distance himself from you in a way so you dont think you guys will be in a relationship, so he doesnt feel he NEEDS to contact you all the time.
I say just to lay low for a while, and not be too willing to txt bak straight away or answer his call on the 1st ring. Once you too distance yourself you will see you werent as needing to call him as you once thought.
Hope i helped x
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