A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have a very difficult problem,Around 2 months ago I was raped.Now he is in jail and facing many years but although I am happy about that, I'm very depressed.Last week I found out I was pregnant. And I know it was by him because not only was I awake when I was raped and felt him release, but I am not in a relationship and have not had sexual activity with anyone in over 4 months. I went to the doctors and I am 7 weeks pregnant. It worries me for many reasons, First I already have a two year old son and he knows that me and his father are not together and he knows that I am not in a relationship with anyone. Me and his father are still great friends and I told him my situation. Although I know he is here for me when I need him, he has been able to offer little advice. I am really on the fence on whether or not to keep this baby. My son is my priority and I am very worried.Please answer. In desperate need of Help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): I am 17 years old and i was raped and im now almost 6 months pregnant, i found out i was pregnant about 4 months ago but i was too scared to get an abortion and I dont know how to tell my mom what happened to me or even that Im pregnant, Ive been hiding under big clothes but im scared that wont work forever, what do i do now, i dont know how to tell my mother something like that without her freaking out and blaming it all on me
A
female
reader, thickness +, writes (17 January 2010):
 I understand ur situation. My daughter was conceived by a rapist. The only advice i can give u that has worked for me is to stay strong n go to counseling. Its been almost 2 yrs n i still need counseling. Stay strong ok. N if u need some help wit anything, send me a message.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): let me start off by saying you are a courageous woman. that man deserves, well he should spend a lot of years in jail, hopefully getting raped as well. so he gets some of his own medicine.
i dont know... this is very delicate and being a man, maybe im not who you're looking for an nswer
BUT
i think that you should not have the baby because you did not want to have it in the first place and its not fair to raise a baby that you know is the son of a raper.
it sounds very harsh and i know it's so delicate...
but im speaking from my heart
goog luck
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A
female
reader, TheQueen.  +, writes (15 January 2010):
 true you are in a very tough situation....i personally do NOT think abortion is the way to go im 100% pro life! it is NOT at all the baby's fault , therefore the baby should not be punished for the choice of a sick man. as for your son, he may adjust to having a new sibling, and you have to take this as if it was planned....your a woman, and that means your strong and you CAN take any challenge that comes towards you. God has a plan for you and this child, or else this wouldnt have happend.The best of luck to you , and your family. stay strong :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): We've never experienced such a horrendous crime against ourselves or our family, but my wife and I are both Christians, and feel abortion is very wrong.
Except for certain cases, rape is absolutely one of theme. When my wife and I were first married, she was totally against abortion no matter what, even if the mother would die for childbirth. We had a long talk, and I explained that I am against abortion also, but if she got pregnant (and we do have a bunch of kids) and it was going to kill her, and she refused to have an abortion, I would either push her down the stairs to abort the baby, or after she died, kill the kid for killing her. I also said that if she was raped, i know the child is innocent, but so is my wife and I, Not going to ruin our lives and marriage over that. Abortion is the only way to go. I couldn't sit there and watch my wife get bigger and deliver another man's baby. Sorry. I normally don't agree with abortion, but in this case I do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): i read and re read your story but did not want to comment but i feel i should just tell you what is in my heart right now.
you went through a terrible ordeal. rape is traumatic and being pregnant is worst. there seems to be a few for and against views on termination of this pregancy here. the people giving you their views are neither right nor wrong. it is just their own belief system and they provide valuable comments. please also read my comments.
having a baby is difficult, having a baby borne out of a criminal act is unexplainable (at the best of times). your intention is very good but how realistic are these thoughts of yours.
-you already have a child. will you treat this new baby the way you treat your first born. NO. why? the first born was born out of love and not from a rape ordeal.
- when people or your first born ask who the father of the 2nd child is. what do you answer.
- will this 2nd baby be prejudiced because it was borne out of a rape situation. will this child be a "marked" and "tainted" child. will this child have to pay for the sins of his father.
- if this child is born will the rapist father have access rights to this child. or what rights will the father have - any custody issues here? will you bare to be in contact with this convict?
- how do you protect this baby from society?
-will you be able to LOVE this child. yes you may want to do the right thing but once it is born will you bare to even look at this child. many many women who are raped, and choose to have the baby regret it later in life. in fact that child lives in misery for something they had no control over. is this fair to the child. being blamed, ridiculed, tormented. kids are cruel and they will also make this child's life hell. will you be able to live with it.
- yrs from now if you meet another man, will he accpet this byproduct of your rape or will he abandone you.
the above are just some of the aspects you need to think clearly about. by this child being born you will have a daily reminder of how he was conceived. you may resent the child. you will definately start to hate it. is this fair?
no one will condemn you if you choose to have an abortion. please think carefully. please weigh up the situation. please do the right thing, for yourself and this fetus. abortion is Not a big bad decision. many many women choose this option. yes, they have gulit feelings but with time, they heal and so can you. You can heal after this abortion. your emotions and also physically. if the rapist knows you are having his baby, he will make your life hell. surely you have suffered enough. do you want this rapist in your life FOREVER. this is what will happen if you choose to have this baby. PLEASE you owe it to yourself and your first born to do the right thing. and i firmly believe for you based on your situation, an abortion is the answer for you.
i really pray you make the correct decison. you deserve the best and so does your first born. so far it seems that you do not have a support structure. if you do have this baby remember this, you will not have anyone to turn to. if you make the right choice, you and your son still have a choice to live a good life. i really wish you well. God bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): You're currently in a terrible situation and I can't imagine how you'd be feeling right now.
I guess you'd have to consider whether after the babys born, would you actually be able to love and take care of a child that was placed inside you by someone you now hate, could you look at the baby and not look back to the awful memories you have of the father?
Or could you look at it in the good light;
and say the baby was the only good thing that came out of having that awful man near you?
and bring you're baby up as you're son's half sister/brother and love him/her with all you're heart, not forgetting but over-looking the situation you had to go through to have that child.
I guess it's a decision you and only you can make, no matter how many people give you advice, only you truely know how you feel and how you think you'll feel a few months down the line.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Abort the baby for a few reasons.
can you support it?
will you love it?
and the last, aren't you afraid of the baby turning out to be like his or her father?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I don't think you should have an abortion. Give the baby a chance. The baby is innocent and should be given a chance at life it's not your or the baby's fault this happened. If you feel that you can not raise this child give the baby to a loveing home many people are unable to have children and they would love a baby. As for the child having some sort of pre-disposition to rape because of the father as some one above posted that's just not right. The sins of the father do not become the sins of the son. Many people have been born out of someone getting raped and are just fine, after all the baby is apart of you (the mother)too. Please don't forget that. I hope i'm not too late to at least get you to see this option and think on it because once you go through with obortion thier is no going back, Can you live with that? Your son will be fine but is the other baby not apart of you as well? I hope you don't go through with the abortion. God bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Hey sweetie,I cant imagine the hell you must be going through right now, Im so sorry this happened to you. No one can really make this decision for you. Like the previous aunts and uncles have said, this decision is yours alone to make between you and your god. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would terminate the pregnacy. I am normally against abortion after 42 days of conception because of my own relgious reasons, but in cases where there was no consent, I think abortion should be an option. I only say this because if you were to hypothetically have this child, I really dont see any way of working this out. If you were to keep it, not only would you have a constant reminder of your attacker, but financially you will struggle more than you already are. And as a mother, you are already fully aware how difficult it is to raise a child without the help of the father, and eventually the kid will want to know where daddy is and the truth will have to come out someday. If you were to give it up for adoption and say the child grows up and starts asking questions, he or she will have to be told that their very existence came at your expense and as a result of rape. I wouldnt want to have to bring a child into this world with that burden to carry.In the end, the choice is completely yours to make and no one will judge you for it. I hope you find peace in whatever choice you make. I wish you all the best. Please let us know what you decide, we are all here for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): i know what you are going thru. i was raped but i didn't get pregnant. but if it were me and this is just my opinion and truly only you can decide what you need to do but i wouldn't have an abortion. i raising two toddlers on my own. yes its hard but i have read other responses and i and very disturbed to know that abortion is promoted. i understand that genetics do get pasted down but i also know that adoption is available and there are hundreds of women that can't have children who are looking every day for someone to give them one. just because this child is a product of rape doesn't mean that his life is any different than another child. you don't have to look at it everyday or do anything for it give it away to someone don't take its life it is truly innocent. it can not help who its father is or what its father does. but that is my opinion and only you yourself can make a choice of what to do. don't take my word or anyone elses word. its up to you and your god to decide what needs to happen. i'm so sorry that you are having to make a choice because of some idiot that needs to be in a room with no oxygen because he likes to rape women. prison is to good for him. when he gets out he will do it again. maybe he want get out. god bless you
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 its a HARD and most difficult situation for many, but for myself, there would be no hesitation nor debate. i would of had an abortion, only because for one, if i kept the innocent child, id always be reminded of its father, the rapist, as it would be a product from him, and also, i know in my heart it would be for the best, as i would not want to go throught the pangs of labour, even though i might decide to adopt the child out. For me, its a personal issue. i would only go through the pain of childbirth for the man that i would spend forever with. because it is for me a special thing, giving birth to my beloveds offspring, going through all the emotional and physical changes, some of which are permanent, and so i would not even think twice of whether i should have an abortion. it would just be done. and that would be that. but, then again, im not catholic, i am bhuddist, and my personal beliefs on sin etc do differ from those of others. its a VERY personal choice sweeety, one u can only decide for urself. no one can tell u what u should do. but since u know ur financial situation, the fact u already have a child etc, places it all in a new light. therefore alrerady knowing only too well how hard it is to raise a child, and a single mom at that, i would opt for an abortion. but that is my own opinion. i have my childrens dad in my life, he helps out tremendously, maybe more so then the average male would, and i still find it very difficult. its very hard. good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): You know I don't think any one can answer this question for you. You are just going to have to sit quietly with your thoughts and feelings and you will know what you want to do. I am not against abortion for reasons of unwanted, unexpected pregnancies for health reasons or simply because the pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted and would impact your life or the life of others in a very negative way....of course there are other options like adoption, but I take a scientific biological view when it comes to reproduction, when termed early enough you are seriously not talking about a baby but some cells dividing or a tiny embryo, you can argue religous reasons all that you want, but I don't see why being on the pill or not allowing the seed to fertilize the egg every time one has sex to be much different from a religous standpoint, but from a biological standpoint it is much better to prevent pregnancy then to use early termination as a form of birth control.....we can go on a debate, but at the end of the day it is a personal choice between you and your God, not mine..it is a gut wrenching choice you have in front of you and I am so sorry you had this happen to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is contraversial, but genetics can play a very big role in this child's innate personality and research has shown that criminality and aggression can be passed down. That is just something to consider and I hate to lable any innocent child and the child could inherit your personality but you could also have a splitting image of his/her father. That may not only be difficult to deal with as a parent, but also as a victim. Like the other poster said, you may not even anticipate how you will react to this child anyway. You would also have the problem of explaining to the child that he/she was the product of rape and that the father is in prison. You could lie but these things always tend to surface later.
If it were me, I would terminate the pregnancy. I'm very sorry this happened to you.
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