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writes: Im a single mum with 2 kids (a 2 year son and 9 month daughter). Since my ex husband and me got a divorce last year he hasnt seen our kids in a whole year. I keep making plans with him to see our son (our daughter is quite a handful) but then he makes the dumbest excuse like ``so and so and me are going the bar tonight and I dont want the boy see to me drunk`. Or he`ll the whole night with his girlfriend. My son really likes his dad and is acting out with violently. He hits his sister or me when I tell him his dad cancelled gave him a time out (for 5 minutes and 2 minutes isnt long enough) and I take his tv time for the day. I need help!!
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female
reader, MommyOfOne  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 Wow. My daughters biological father is a flake. He was not in her life until she was about 16 months old, he was around for a few months, and pretty much hasn't seen her since April of this year. She is 2 as well. I know this is going to sound REALLY silly, but coming from a single mom of a two year old, whos father isn't active and makes plans and falls through just like your situation...maybe you should try this...
I NEVER tell my daughter her dad is coming until he is there, standing in the drive way. He has a habit of either not showing up at all, or being ridiculously late. So, instead of building her up and getting her excieted, I wait until he is there before I tell her he's coming. This will spare your son the psychological damage of, "YAY! Daddy's coming!!" then daddy never shows.
Children of 2 have memories of goldfish. When my daughters father goes as much as 2 months with no contact, when she see's him, she doesn't remember who he is. And they have to restart the "getting to know each other" process again. If your son is angry, my personal guess is because your keeping a memory alive. Or trying to. And I don't blame you. Your probably hoping that one day, the father will get his sh*t together and be an active father in his children's life. And when that day comes, if it does, you don't want the children to not know who he is. I don't blame you. Your son more than likely doesn't remember who he is. He may know his picture and his name, but if he saw him today, he would be flabbergasted as to who this man was. (if it has really been a year since he saw him) My daughter knows the word "Daddy" and if she stumbles upon a picture that I thought was hidden, may say "Daddy". But when she see's him after a few months, she has not a clue who he is.
What I would do, personally, is just not mention him. Don't build him up with "Daddy's coming!" until he is there. Maybe you should wait til his is a little older to keep the memory alive. The anger may be stemming from this. Or, he very well may be getting into the terrible two's. If he only acts like this when the father falls through on plans, then its a sign. Just don't mention him...
When my daughter see's her father after a period of time, and doesn't remember her dad, he always looks to me as to say, "Why doesn't she remember me???" And I have to tell him in the nicest way possible, that a child's memory at 2 is not the best. You have to stay consistent at this age or they will forget. That's a bitter pill to swallow.
I understand this situation all to well. Try this way. See how it works. My daughter hasn't had any anger issue. Mainly because I don't try to keep it alive. Its up to the father to do that.
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