A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I really need help with this and I don't need anyone to tell me that I need to leave him because I have had enough of that. I'm having problem with my husband's communication. He asked me what I don't like about him and I told him but he said that wasn't it because he knows there's more. But I really don't know what he's talking about. He said he knows because he sees it, so I asked him what it is because it might not be the big problem or even that important to worth arguing about and I just let it go. But he wouldn't tell me. I can't get him to communicate to me. We haven't talked much the past couple of days. When we argue, I don't exist to him. He said after a fight I always act like nothing happened, which was not true. After a fight we always made up but it always came to I apologized and being the one taking all the blame for everything that was wrong in our relationship. He doesn't think he was wrong in anyway. But after a made up, I think we should move on instead of hold tight and not talking because then it's still going to be the same as before the made up. He doesn't care what he says to me or other people because he said he's telling the truth that's all that matter even if it hurts someone. He said he had to sacrified so much since he's been with me. I do too but I don't say it out because I see it as a compromise in the relationship. But every times we fight he kept saying that he has to sacrified this and that because of me as if I am a burden to him, I'm not sure if he really love me for him to say that. I do everything in the household, go to school, and work full-time, so most of the time I am exhausted. I do as much as I can in the sex field (once or twice a week), but sometimes I'm so tired that I really can't, so he's upset at me for that. At one point he said he was really happy with me, which was because I was forcing myself to have sex (4 times a week) with him even how tired I was. But after coupel of weeks I couldn't do it anymore. My body just crashed.I really don't know what to do to get him to communicate to me and to see ho*w muhc I love him and care about him but I still need my rest to recover. Anybody know what I can do?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 March 2010):
Whenever I read something that starts with 'don't tell me to leave', I know that the person is trying to live in something that won't work. This is no exception. I know that's not what you want to head. But there it is. No disrespect, and I know you love this guy, but you're just trapped in a relationship where you're being controlled.
He asked if there was a problem. You told him. He didn't believe you told him the truth.
When you argue, you don't exist. He just blames you, and you accept that blame and walk back to him saying sorry when you've done nothing wrong.
He wont' open up and tell you what's wrong.
He doesn't care if he hurts you or others. At all.
He says he sacrificed so much. Well if he loved you, he would do it without ramming it down your throat all the time.
You do everything. The housework, the schooling, full time work.
You give him sex when you can, but you end up forcing yourself to do it.
This is not love. This is nowhere near love. This is just him controlling you. If others have said that you should leave, then they mean it and they're right. He won't change. He won't suddenly become caring and polite and the man you need, because he doesn't care at all. He wont' suddenly start to communicate. I know all this, because I'm a man and I know all the ways in which men think. The fact is a man who truly loves you won't treat you this badly. Not ever. You're just being used by a man who wants nothing but his own way and knows he can get it. How long until you think he will just dump you and move onto the next one? How long before you look into a mirror and don't know who you are? How long until you're just exhausted and realize you've wasted the best years of your life on nothing but a lie? A million woman have all thought that a man will change. He won't. Make your decision. Accept him as he is and live like this, or move on. Nothing will change.
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