A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend now for a year and a half. Awhile back I did something really stupid that I totally regret, I cheated on him one time with an ex of mine, which is so totally not me and I didn't mean for it to happen,and I realize how low and shallow my ex was now. Reason being I really want a long term relationship and start the family life and I feel like my boyfriend is out of my league and sometimes I can't help to think he would want to be something someone prettier than me.On top of this I found out a little while ago that I'm pregnant, I was so scared it would be the ex's but by finding out the age its not, its my boyfriends. My guilt is eating me up, I was so distraught I confided in my best friend who's also friends with my boyfriend, she really wants me to tell him soon. I feel like I shouldn't have told her now. A big part of me doesen't want to tell him as this will ruin everything for him, myself and our child. Its hard to look at him and know that I did this, I feel so guilty and stupid and don't know what to do... I'm also scared my friend will tell him, I've stalled her for now, hopefully she keeps her mouth shut.
View related questions:
best friend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): I found out last year that the man I was told was my father (and is the father of my siblings) isn't mine. I don't feel any differently about myself but there's a much bigger issue here.
My mother died two years ago and knew that for the last 15 years I'd been running myself ragged trying to uncover what the unusual and dangerous illness was that had befallen my daughter. My mother took her paternity secret to the grave and her silence likely cost my daughter her life. Helluva gift from a grandmother to her granddaughter, huh?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): "Hiding a childs true paternity is a despicable thing. It is actually viewed as a crime in my eyes and I believe it should be punishable by law."
My thoughts exactly.
Get the child tested. Compared to all the costs of raising a child in the next 18 years the price of a paternity test is virtually nothing. DO IT.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): What baby dates are you talking about?
I was given a date for my first child and my baby arrived 3 weeks later. My second child was about 1.5 weeks earlier. So delivery dates are not the most accurate sometimes. My sister's baby was born 19 days earlier. Go figure inaccurate dates.
So NOW how sure are u that this baby is not your exs???
Bottomline: it is only a matter of time before your friend or anyone else (she tells) spills your cheating story to your bf. So decide whether he gets to hear it from you or anyone else.
Hiding a childs true paternity is a despicable thing. It is actually viewed as a crime in my eyes and I believe it should be punishable by law. Please do not think I am being nasty but just think about it. A man pays for 18 years for a child, bonds emotionally with a child then discovers it is not his. Can you see the wrong here?
You say u made a mistake. Mistakes are acceptable however if u lie and cover up the lies and paternity then your mistake is compounded.
You cannot force your friend to keep her mouth shut. You have unconsciously burdened her with your secret. This is wrong.
Please reconsider and tell the truth. Whether you do or not is up to you but you will sleep better knowing you did the right thing.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): How do you know it's not your ex? It seems you fear losing your boyfriend so much you want it to be his so badly. You better be sure that your boyfriend is the father, if he finds out later that its not his (and he will find out sooner or later) then not only will you lose him but your chance at making sure that the child bonds properly with its real dad, whomever that maybe. Get your dates right and make absolute certain your facts are straight, then if he is the dad tell him, if he finds out from someone else you cheated then the doubts will come back and your relationship might be in jeopardy again. Honesty is the best policy I'm afraid, if you really love him then show him you won't make that mistake again. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (28 January 2011):
I hope you did not tell her you cheated!!!??? That is no ones business but yours. IF you did, in the future I hope you never make that mistake again. Keep your darkest dirtiest secrets to yourself. People will hold it over your head and God forbid you guys fight and no longer are friends.Anyway. You have to tell him you are pregnant. I would not recommend you tell him you cheated. You feel very bad and you said you won't do it again, and if you are sure the baby is not your ex's then don't tell him you cheated.But, you have to tell him you are pregnant and you guys can go from there to decide what you want to do.
...............................
|
