A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend used to be addicted to heroin before I met/started dating him.I believed that he had quit since he went through rehab and such, but he has rather large abscesses on his arm that he's going to get lanced. there are no cuts or anything around and they're too deep to have surfaced yet and his mother feels he is using again.he says that when he used to shoot up, he got abscesses that went away from heating them and since they weren't treated properly with antibiotics, they can recur.is this possible? Or is he lying to me? Because I can't stay with a drug addict, for my parents both were, but I would feel terrible for leaving him if his reasoning were true. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2010):
 Thank you nightingale and Q, for those excellent points. I didn't make my answer long and complete enough. The lancing drains the abcess but he would still need antibiotics taken systemically to deal with the micro-organisms left behind. Why didn't he get the antibiotics the first time?
And her further point about seeking help for codependency is a good one, especially as your parents were addicts.
How old is he, by the way?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2010):
If he's a cleaned up former addict, he'll understand why you'd be concerned about this and took a break from dating him. I think part of recovery is accepting that people need to come to terms with your addiction.
http://www.na.org/
Why isn't he being treated with antibiotics this time?
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 July 2010):
Okay, I just did some reading to see if his story pans out. BUT I'm no medical expert.
It seems that the abscesses occur because of heroin use (not using a clean needle, etc.) Heating alone will not usually not make the abscess go away. It will kill some bacteria and it's a good starting point for treatment. But it will not make it go away once it's already there.
That said, since he's letting a doctor lace it away seems like he isn't too worried about someone seeing his arms. Lots of really addicted heroin users drain the abscesses themselves and get antibiotics from chinese pharmacies or from Mexico.
Still, this doesn't tell you anything. He might have temporarily made the abscess to go away by treating it with heat like he said. This 'might' be an unfortunate recurrance. BUT he could just as easily injected himself again with a needle that wasn't clean enough. It's impossible to say. The fact he goes to a doctor could also mean two things: positive: he feels like he's got nothing to hide, or negative: he's confident the doctor won't notice/won't get him into trouble.
It's your call what to believe. But keep your eyes OPEN. If some of his behaviour doesn't seem right, or he's getting symptoms that seem fishy, he's probably using again.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 July 2010):
You can always ask a medical expert to see if his explanation is true or if he's bullshitting you like I think he is. Even if it is true, it doesn't mean he isn't lying about using.
He's trouble. I had a friend once that was an addict. The problem with addicts is, is that they lie. All the time. They get so good at it they can even fool themselves at one point. It's hard, especially if you have feelings for him, but the truth is that in an addict's world, heroin rules.
My friend is clean now, but that took years to accomplish. He says that he's still an addict. Just one that chooses not to use. But he says that even though he feels good now, anything can send him over that invisible edge. Your bf might say he's different, but he's not. Addicts are all the same in that regard. The only difference is whether they can stop by themselves or die first. Is that the kind of person you want to spend your life with?
You're very young. Some might say you're too young to put up with stuff like this, but in my opinion there is no age limit. I don't care if I'm 16 or 56, I wouldn't want someone with that background as my significant other. As much as I like my friend, there's a reason he's my friend and not my boyfriend.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyah I understand what you guys are saying completely. But is it possible for them to recur? I care about him too much to leave him for instincts instead of facts
...............................
A
female
reader, c.lili  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 Be careful, heroin is a heavy drug and hard to quit. I think if you are asking this it's because you think he is using, if you think he is using it's almost sure he is. You as any other woman have instincts, use them. Be strong find someone also strong, I feel you care for him, but put yourself first, this sounds like a guy that might hurt your feelings many times. Ask him if he is using.Keep in mind that his mother knows him better than you, she is probably right.
...............................
|
