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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I was in a long distance relationship that has since faded out after 9 months. My problem is there is a piece of me that still wants to spend my life with her although I know she is probably not capable of being the warm, caring compassionate woman that I truly want. I am constantly conflicted about her because on one hand I want her and love her more than anything and on the other hand I really don't know why I want her other than the fact that she was the first woman I was with since my separation from my wife of 16 years.In that instance I guess she has been sort of a soother for me in some ways. What do I do? My head tells me no but my heart and yearning for her say yes.
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (5 June 2013):
 It is possible this was rebound. If you want her be with her if not let her go. If it didnt work in 9 months move on. She may not be the one like you mentioned that you are desiring or looking for. If you into caring compassionate thats out there for you. If you don't want a strong blunt outspoken women that you think is mean move on to the next. Life is too short to be miserable not having or obtaining what you desire and want. At times we miss and love some people for the wrong reasons. At times we think we want some one but we dont act like we really want them. We want them a certain way or the way we want them and that may not be who they really are. Opposites do attract so maybe thats what occurred. Compatibility is a challenge after divorce. I dont want a mean person either. I have other boundaries also cause if not history does try to repeat itselfs. I choose to change that course of action.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 June 2013):
Try to use this as a boost of confidence to start another relationship... Don't stay with someone who you know is wrong when the ideal woman could be right around the corner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): only you can decide. Sometimes if a relationship is not working, you can't force it, it is better to realize early on at the beginning before it is too late and the breakup can really be painful. If you are saying the relationship faded out after just 9 month, don't you think 9 months is enough to know where do you stand in this relationship. Do you think it might be a rebound after the divorce? What are you scared of? Do you think there is no spark/no chemistry between the two of you? Do you miss her? do you think about her 24/7, do you enjoy her company? Do you feel she genuinely loves you. Are you scared because you haven't been dating for 16 years? Why don't you take it easy and just be friends with her, hang out together for a while like the movie "When Harry met Sally" and take it from there OR maybe try not to contact her for a week or so and see how you will feel, try to keep yourself busy, go out with friends and have fun on your own, if you don't stop thinking about her and you miss her, then you really want to be with her. Good Luck and all the best !!
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