| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: How do you cope with toxic parents? And how should you go about protecting your child from them? Breaking off contact isn't something I want to do. My mother can be wonderful but also horrible. She makes snide comments, is passive aggressive, and uses guilt to manipulate me. I don't want to go into details about our history. I just want any kind of advice on how to cope with verbal abuse and stress. I also need to know how to protect my child from feeling the same effects I have all my life. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): You said you don't want to go into any details; but you want us to make snap-judgements without facts or details to base them on.
You don't have to tell your life's history, just give some examples of what they say and do that you consider so toxic; that they make you want to shield your children from them. You're anonymous; no one knows you, or will recognize you.
Speaking generally; you correct them on the spot when they say things you find hurtful and offensivee in-front of your children. You are a mother, you get a free-pass to speak your mind when your parents misbehave; or make cutting remarks that set a bad example for your children. Hurting your feelings is just cause to speak-up and ask them to leave at once.
Inform them you're fed-up with their impertinence and insensitivity to your feelings. If they can't be nice around you; they're not welcome around you, or your children. Plain and simple.
You're a grown-woman, a lioness protecting her cubs, you are the queen of your domain; and you've had enough of their venom. So tell them so.
We can't give you courage. You have to summon that from within yourself. You're on the brink as it is. I don't think you need our advice; I think all you need is a backbone, and just one more remark to set you off.
Your parents are too old to change. You can only modify their behavior when they're in your home. All that takes is some tact and nerve.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 September 2017):
 Why is breaking contact not something you want to do? You can't change your mother. All you can do is LIMIT how much influence she has on your life and the life of your children.
You can't FIX her issues and make her the person you would like her to be.
There is no cure for being a ....
...............................
|
