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anonymous
writes: Dear cupid,I would really like some advice. To begin with, it would be fair to say that i can be a very insecure person, ive had relationships where ive been cheated on, and other things that have happened in my life that have resulted in me having a fairly low self esteem. I am now in a relationship very different from any other, he treats me well, complements me and my confidence rocketed. We have a great relationship, have lots of fun together, a fantastic and adventurous sex life that i have really never had before, due to my lack of confidence.I have learnt from my partner that his last relationship wasnt a very good one, they rarely had sex and because of that he used to look at porn alot and had to relieve himself, shall we say. I understood that, i know its a very blokey thing to do. It was the only sex life he really had for around 18 months.Recently though i found a website that my partner had been looking at, it was a porn one and i was really gutted. I wasnt snooping, he knew that i was on his internet.I confronted him and he thold me that it was a link from another site that he had ordered me some lingerie from, and that i had noothing to worry about. Although he did say that he did click on it and looked at it.Since then i have been so paranoid about him still looking at porn when im not around ( we dont live together yet) So he has plenty of chances to do it if he wishes.I know that my inseccurities perhaps make me a little more sensitive to this, but i cant bear the thoufht of him having sex with me and then looking at porn and getiing turned on by looking at other women. That just hurts me so much.I know i need to talk to him about it, because it is making me feel so bad, but i dont want him to think that i am nagging. But why does he need to look at it when we have such a great sex life? what can he get from these sights that i dont already give him? I feel like such a failure.Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): i had to reply as i understand how you feel, my man looks at porn and keeps it on those blue tooth sticks. i saw porn on his computer and denind it, saying someone else must have done it, it,s happened a few times but the other day i but his blue tooth in his computer and saw loads of dirty stuff ,so now i know it,s him, but i hav,ent told him what i saw. everyone say,s im really pretty and yes i do know blokes look at me, but i,ve necer loved or fancied anyone else, but when we go out, he always say.s but a big coat on it,s cold and as everyone can look tarts in night clubs but then scares at them-help
A reader, Emiej, writes (26 January 2005): First things first, don't feel like a failure PLEASE!I can relate to you very well and i feel your pain. I have had bad past experiences with relationships, and thought that there was no decent men out there! Then i found my man.Like yours he treats me good, complements me and has made me more confident. I also am a very insecure person when if comes to feelings! I found out that my boyfriend had been looking on the internet for Porn Websites earlier this year, and my reaction to it was very bad, it almost ruined us! So before you go crazy at him, please try to be as rational as possible and listen to what he has to say! To resolve my problem i told my boyfriend that i needed him to stop looking at Porn, and asked him questions like.."how would you feel if i looked at men all day?" and "what is that i can't provide"? I told him that i couldn't handle it and that it was going to ruin our "almost perfect" relationship! If your partner loves you as much as it sounds like he does, he will sacrifise anything for you, even PORN!!Just speak to him about it, write down what you want to say and just go with the flow!Please, please don't hesistate to contact "dearcupid" again!Good luck
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