A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my BF for 6 months now. Our concept of sex differ quite greatly, I'm coming to realize. I've never had sex and have always thought that i'd give myself to someone whom i really love to. He, on the other hand, has been with 3 girls before, the first two being short relationships (4 months the longest) yet, he's been in bed multiple times. I see this as if he were treating sex as something 'disposable', one that i completely don't agree with, especially considering his first time was not intentional and when he was really drunk and the short relationships. I'm starting to see that having our first time is something he's beginning to really look forward, yet it doesn't even cross my mind, I'm not even sure I'll even be able to with this doubt i have. I feel like that if i just come to accept this and continue our relationship, have I compromised/settled? Or should i move on and find someone with the same views and values? I guess I'm just worried about being another notch on his bedpost, especially since he's said that I'm the last guy he'll be in love with, which makes me feel like I'm a 'test run' to experience, or something like that. Or am i thinking too much about something that i shouldn't be thinking of in the first place. - Thanks
View related questions:
drunk, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (25 May 2010):
 If you feel like a test run, that will grow into resentment which means eventually it will break off. Listen to your inner voice. My guess is, it's trying to tell you something super important.
Don't give him sex until you know for sure it's you he wants. By this I mean, it will mean something to him, not just "let's see if I like sex with guys."
Don't do it. Save yourself for the one who feels the same as you. Save yourself the heartache.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Sounds as if your and his experience are very different.
He can not go back and change what he's done with other women and appears to have what I might describe as a quite cavalier attitude toward sex (nonchalant, casual). I wonder about his comment that he will be the last man you will be in love with. What do you think he meant by that?
Personally, I'd feel better about it if he had said you are the last woman HE will be in love with - in other words, you mean so much to him that there will be no more women for him......
I think that with your uneasiness and doubts about him are feelings/thoughts you must not take lightly. As "they" say, pay attention to your gut, it's trying to tell you something.
I don't know whether you can sit down and have a frank discussion with him about where you are, and your concerns about his attitude........if you do, it might be better to try to express it in terms of something such as "I'm curious about your past relationships and experiences....." in other words, try to open him up and see what he has to say. Now, this might well not be easy, and hopefully some of the other aunts and uncles will have some insights to offer. (What I'm saying is to try to avoid being judgmental).
On the other hand, think about your own feelings and the fact that you completely disagree with him about his attitude toward sex. It's important to consider the other non-sexual aspects of your relationship. For instance, do you generally enjoy one another's company? Is he usually considerate and respectful of you? Is he supportive when you have had a bad day?
See if these "outweigh" your sexual disagreements. It will give you a clue as to whether you want to continue in the relationship, or whether you'll come to the conclusion that you are just too different, not compatible.
Good luck!
...............................
|
