A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I need help with my relationship with my husband. We are freshly married, half a year, and he is becoming more and more negative about himself, life etc. From the beginning of our relationship he had inclinations for such behavior, but as the time goes by, I feel like our relationship, which was something wonderful and new for him after his last girlfriend and nightmare he had with her, is not making him happy anymore. He is often rude, harsh, nervous, distant etc. We have certain life issues going on and we are together trying to solve them, but I think he is getting too much upset about everything. Our life is becoming a constant worrying, constant nervousness. I'm trying to be positive, to cheer him up, to spare him of my negativity, but I feel I'm loosing strength to fight with all that negativity. Please some advices, pat on the back or whatever. Thank you! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFew days ago we again had a small situation which caused great disturbance and we both were upset at the end. Then he went for a shower and came back and said that he can't do it anymore like that, even if he is the source of the negativity, it might be better that he is alone than always getting into such situations. He sees that I suffer, that I cry a lot, and that I'm not happy. He went to work and I came to his work to bring him his favorite breakfast and we spoke and in the evening we spoke again and he said that he will try to do something about it.Since then, it is quite fine, it's only few days since then, but that is a lot for him, almost every day few times he would find something to be angry or disturbed about.Now I feel weird - something that bothered me so much that it almost drew all the emotions from him (imagine being guilty almost every day 3 times and getting harsh correcting) and which I couldn't so easily communicate with him, he just changes in a day. It seems weird. Or at least not fair. Why didn't he do it before, but waited that I'm completely exhausted?My mind is making scenarios, but that is maybe a theme for another post. Thank you for your answers!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): he has issues within himself that need help, a new relationship isn't going to solve them just provide a temporary distraction which has now worn off since it's no longer new.
tell him he needs to get some counseling. Why? because his negativity is dragging you down, it's affecting your relationship, and while you understand that he's trying to deal with it in his own way it's clearly not working because you're still feeling dragged down and things are getting worse. whatever he's doing on his own, isn't working. it's time to get outside help.
have you considered that maybe the reason his last relationship was a nightmare is partly because of him and how she reacted to him?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 It's hard to be partnered with someone who can't cope. I know from experience... it's very wearing.
do you guys go to couples counseling? it really helps with communication and such... and if he's negative he may be depressed and that can help him see that he may need counseling on his own too...
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