A
male
age
18-21,
*rodigys
writes:So, Me and my girlfriend have been dating for two and a half years. I love her more than life itself and vice versa. I just moved a couple of states away, however, for college. Everything is still great between us, but we have mutually decided to take a break until I return in about 5 months. We will stay in loose contact with each other, but are both free to see other people as we please. She is worried that I will find someone else, though I am sure I will not. I don't really like the thought of her dating around either, but this is something that we both feel we have to do. My question is, is this an awful idea? I would hate for this to do more harm than good, though we both feel it will make our relationship stronger.
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female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (15 November 2009):
 I think on paper your idea sounds simple enough. However in real life, there are a number of things to consider, such as how you each define 'dating others'.Let's assume this all works out according to plan. You're both free to date and 5 months from now you get back together.Will you be ok with her having had a one night stand? A few one night stands?Will you be fine with her having a threesome or two? Visions of her having sex with two men at once won't bother you? Will you think less of her? What if it's an FFM? What if, having done it once, she doesn't want to do it again (with you or anyone)? If an FFM is something you've fantasized about will you be ok with her living out your fantasy with someone else and not you?What if she became pregnant, broke up with the father and came back to you? Are you fine with watching her belly grow each month with another man's child? If he decides he wants to be involved are you prepared to have this man in your lives forever? His family? Would you be ok with his presence during delivery? What if she didn't know who the father was? What if after having the one she decides she doesn't want more kids - would it bother you to have invested all that time in her when you could have been seeking another woman to have your children?What if she has an abortion? Will you think less of her?What if you father a child? If the mother decides to keep it, would you be involved? What if she wanted you present during delivery? What if there was bad blood between the two women? Is there a cap on the number of people you both can date? What if you date no one and she dates 5 men? Or 5 women?What if she chooses you over another man she still has strong feelings for? Will you wonder if they're communicating secretly? What if the situation is reversed and you still have feelings for the other? Can you handle it if she is suspicous and jealous?Take a few minutes and picture these scenarios as vividly as you can and decide if any one of those things would bother you. Be realistic. I can't count how often I've come across posts from people tormented by their partner's sexual engagements during a break. Just something to think about....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): It sounds like a healthy situation you're in, having both agreed that this is the right decision to take a break.Chances are you will come back to eachother more in love than ever.But communication is the key, if you're hoping to get back together at the end of this you need to talk about how you're feeling and if either one of you starts to feel too jealous or upset by it you might have to make the decision whether to be properly together again or not.
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A
female
reader, lilshorty +, writes (2 November 2009):
Dating around can be healthy for two people if you both agree that it's a good idea. If you can manage the jealousy that inevitably comes along with it, then you are fine, but you really need to sit down and think about whether or not you can both handle what is going to happening. You are taking a risk by doing this, you might find someone better, she might find someone better or you both might find out that you still want to be together.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): If you're both relatively content with the idea, then casually dating around probably isn't all that bad of an idea. A lot of people wouldn't feel secure enough to do it, but then most 'breaks' are quasi-breakups - and this is clearly not the case here.
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