A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 14And I've liked this guy for ages, he's been my best friend for two years. And recently he asked me out, we've been going out for about 2 weeks now and our relationship is going great, but there is a problem.My mum won't let me date till I'm 16 because she either thinks I won't take my studies seriously or that I'll get pregnant at such a young age. She doesn't trust me or something and I hate that. I want to tell her that I'm going out with someone but I'm scared of her disapproving and making me dump him. I know for sure that I'm not going to dump him...but what shall I do with my mom? Give me some advice please... My dad knows about my relationship with this guy and so does my auntie.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Your Dad and your Aunt are OK with it, right? Maybe they should talk to your mum with you. Her opinion is very unrealistic. Ask her to give you the chance that you can go out with him and be responsible and not forget about school. Tell her 'OK if I go wrong you can make me dump him.' I'm sure you won't do either of the things she's worried about (at 14 you probably won't and shouldn't really be having sex anyway!)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Your mother is a very sensible woman. If only more mothers were like her, there wouldnt be so many out of control teens. Good for her. I am the same with my daughter.
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female
reader, xxidkxx  +, writes (13 January 2009):
 dang your dad knows and didnt telly your mom? xPwell i just have to say, i think you guys should keep it secret. and see how it goes. about a month in when you have had a bf, and have keeped up your grades i would tell her, be like "mom we have been dating a month now and stil i have great grades." i dont no something like that. prove to her that you Can be responsible and mature enough to have a boyfriend.~anything else ask!~
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female
reader, NurseBetty85 +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Hi Sweetie,Listen I know you may not want to hear this but here it goes..I feel that she's right. You are still very young. And your mind and body still needs alittle bit more more maturing.I'm around ten years older, and I knew how it felt to wanting to have a Bf and date. So I Did! My mohter was too laid back with boys and dating. For my 14th Birthday Slummber party, she let the boys spend the night! So just use your little imagination sweety. Then a year later at 15, I give my virginity to a man damn near twice my age. My mom even allowed him to break night in the house! The sad thing about that is she was so stuck on his good looks and his good job. I felt like a grown woman instead of a true teen. And at this era around 1999 and 2000, I was the "Fast One" in my group of friends. By time I reached 18, I felt like my teen years passed me by. You also mention about your studies, yes it can happen. I was so boy crazy, I often cut class just to spend time with them.Over all, you have time. Be patient, when a young lady becomes 16, she's in a different stage in her life then 14. Trust me, it's a difference. I know I'am sounding old fashion, and I now times are changing, but I been there.I wish my mom gave me that rule, it would of made a difference in my life.I wish you Luck Sweetie.If you really like this guy, Youshould sit down with mom and talk about it before she finds out on her own.NurseBetty85
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reader, im_a_dummy +, writes (13 January 2009):
 i think you should tell your mom. Hun my mom was like that too, and she told me it wasnt that she didnt trust me, it was that she didnt trust herself, and how well she raised me, and we talked and i dated this guy for 11 months, and my grades were starting to go down, but i have never been a good student so its like w/e for me. i did end up pregnant tho, and she was right. High school (assuming your in 8-9th grade) is supposed to be the best 4 years of your life, and they really can be. IF YOU MAKE IT THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you will have your entire life to be with boys and dating. and honestly i have been with boys i have been single, and it is so much more fun to be single, and have friends with benifites, and i would sugest that you do that because i have learned from experiance, now i am pregnant, i cant have a real teenager hood, or w/e u wanna call it anymore, i blew it. and in all honesty i wish my mom had me dump him. yes i loved him to death i would do ANYTHING for him, and we are not together anymore, but i still am really in love with him and would do anything for him. Had i waited, i think i could have done a lot more experiances and done a lot more with my life. And i dont think there is a differance between 14 & 16. but i do think you should tell your mom. I am not saying your mom is a bad mom, and i am not saying anything negative, so please dont take it that way, but if your mom raised you well, you 2 should be close, and you should be able to talk with her. my mom is ilke my best friend, she is a parent at time (90%) but sometimes we relate more on a friendship bases, and i think if you want that, one thing you have to do is be open with your mom and tell her things, tell her about your boyfriend, let her know just say like "hey mom, can we talk, but before you say anything, hear me out. (name) and i are going out and i am not breaking up with him. i think this could be a great experiance for me and i know the more i date the closer i am to finding that one for me. I dont feel waiting 2 years is really going to do anything, what ever i am going to do with a boyfriend ill do now. Who i am, and what i do doesnt matter my age," (it does to a point) but what you are planning to do with a boy wont matter how old you are, you are still going to do it regardless.
and if thats not how you feel, fill in the blanks on how you think and how you feel. But i think it would be so much better to have a friendship relationship with your mom, and also WHEN YOU ARE READY! (do NOT rush it) but when you are ready, it helps to have that relationship with your mom when u want birth control. its easier to ask for it and its not so new to your mom, she may be expecting it. Hope this helps.
xoxo good luck
and dont break up with him because your mom wants you to, break up with him because you want to. Your mom is living her life, and you should live yours.
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