A
male
age
51-59,
*ildman
writes:I have a strip club, porn addiction. Is it totally wrong or can it be worked into a marriage successfully? My wife has been very negative towards any real love for a long time. I have been married for 30 years, but I am very interested in sex and she is not. It's a catch 22 situation.
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male
reader, wildman +, writes (28 January 2008):
wildman is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the inputs ,peoriaman and baby duck. I am trying to work things out now, but have a bad habit of spending 100's of dollars on stripper girls and really find it hard to stop entirely. I know it is false but I feel like living a little on the crazy side, keeps me feeling younger. I am going to make a strong effort to change and pay more attention to my wife. I was hoping when the kids all moved out we could have a wild time but she blames me for past times I have told a white lie about going out to a club. I have told her nothing really happens, but I am always told again and again of the past and how much money I have wasted. It seems like no way out especially when my career has not been moving in a good direction lately either. I just go to have 2 hours of escape from reality.
A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (26 January 2008):
 Most women like sex. They lose interest in their partner when their partner refuses to meet their needs.
Women NEED affection. That does not mean to grab her crotch before jumping her bones. It means little touches with NO sexual overtones, all throughout the day, every single day, forever, for the rest of your lives.
Men and women like to share activities together but because they often don't enjoy the same things, they stop doing things together. Offer to take her somewhere that she wants to go, and enjoy her company, even if you have no interest in the place where you take her. Yes, she should reciprocate, but one of you is going to have to make the first move. Ask her to go for a walk with you. If conversation flows; great. If not; that's fine, too. Put your arm around her. Hold her hand.
Women NEED to connect emotionally. This means that if you had a bad day and don't want to talk to her, you need to say to her, "I had a bad day. I really don't want to talk about it, but I want you to know that I am not upset with you about anything. I just want to be alone for awhile." Then, after you've had your alone time, ask her about her day. If you watch a tv show together, ask her what she thought about what a character said or did. If you enjoy the food she prepared for you, tell her so. If she got her hair cut, and you like it, tell her so. Don't say things you don't mean. If you hate the lipstick she's wearing, don't tell her you like it. But if she does not wear lipstick, don't tell her that she "looks like death" (one of my personal favorites in the memory bank!)
You've been married a long time. You're not getting what you need. But it's a two-way street. One poster here said, "All you guys have to do is lay there!" Damn it! We HATE, HATE, HATE that. NO! We do not want to be used for your orgasms. It's something to do TOGETHER.
Say to your wife, "What do you need for me to do, so that sex would be fun for you? Sex for me is about sharing love, but for you it's about being used. What do you want from me?"
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (26 January 2008):
Most women like sex. They lose interest in their partner when their partner refuses to meet their needs.
Women NEED affection. That does not mean to grab her crotch before jumping her bones. It means little touches with NO sexual overtones, all throughout the day, every single day, forever, for the rest of your lives.
Men and women like to share activities together but because they often don't enjoy the same things, they stop doing things together. Offer to take her somewhere that she wants to go, and enjoy her company, even if you have no interest in the place where you take her. Yes, she should reciprocate, but one of you is going to have to make the first move. Ask her to go for a walk with you. If conversation flows; great. If not; that's fine, too. Put your arm around her. Hold her hand.
Women NEED to connect emotionally. This means that if you had a bad day and don't want to talk to her, you need to say to her, "I had a bad day. I really don't want to talk about it, but I want you to know that I am not upset with you about anything. I just want to be alone for awhile." Then, after you've had your alone time, ask her about her day. If you watch a tv show together, ask her what she thought about what a character said or did. If you enjoy the food she prepared for you, tell her so. If she got her hair cut, and you like it, tell her so. Don't say things you don't mean. If you hate the lipstick she's wearing, don't tell her you like it. But if she does not wear lipstick, don't tell her that she "looks like death" (one of my personal favorites in the memory bank!)
You've been married a long time. You're not getting what you need. But it's a two-way street. One poster here said, "All you guys have to do is lay there!" Damn it! We HATE
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