A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 years old and I've never been in a relationship of any kind. I've had a couple of guys ask me out over the years, but its been a while and I didn't like any of them enough to accept their offers. I;m the classic fall for a taken older guy so I don't have to experience rejection case and until recently I was convinced that the reason I've never had a boyfriend is because I'm so afraid of rejection I could never tell a guy my real feelings, or even for that matter allow myself to have feelings for a guy period. However, I've realized that I'm also scared of a guy accepting me and liking me back. I've put a lot of thought into the matter and I can't figure out why I would be afraid of being in a relationship, but I know its something that I have to overcome before I can allow myself to enter into a relationship with a guy. And more than that it's something that I must overcome to allow myself to be happy, not necessarily with a guy but with myself. I've had some pretty bad rolemodels, my parents have nearly constant problems as do many of my best friends in their relationships, however I don't ever remember thinking that I don't want what they have. No, I don't want a bad relationship, but it would be nice to have someone and I've always known that with the good comes the bad. My question is, could there be some reason that I'm not allowing myself to enter into relationships that I'm not considering?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): You realized you had bad role models, and you stayed out of relationships in your teens because of fear of things going like that? Pat yourself on the back for it. You just avoided most of what people come to this website because of.
I've had similar problems. Not so much the role models, but just being scared to reveal myself enough to get hurt.
It helps to try to see relationships without so much expectations. If you can have close friends then you can have close romantic relationships.
When you date someone, you're not automatically (drumroll please) DATING this BOYFRIEND and all that entails. You're gonna just hang out with him to see if he's fun. The only difference is the understanding that you both are attracted to each other enough that you might want to make it more than that. Or you might not.
A
female
reader, chicky  +, writes (1 July 2008):
one of my guy friends at school doesnt hug girls hello because of maybe being rejected... i have talked to him about this and he is now confident about the matter anyway when you find the right guy that you LOVE you wont be able to reject his offer, you will feel butterflies and overwelmd... when you feel love ussually the other person in the relationship, in this case a guy will love you back, what im saying is dont stress about it.. everything happens for a reason , hope this helps
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2008):
 You are very young I think you merely having met the right guy yet, a guy that truly rocks your world. You may be afraid of a relationship but I think when the right guy surfaces your attraction will overcome your fear. Give it more time and get out there and make it easier for him to find you.
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