A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My guy just told me it was a relationship of convenience and nothing beyond. I am hurt, shocked and heartbroken right now. It is not what I expected to hear after nearly five years. I don't know what to say or how to react.
View related questions:
heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (23 February 2016):
Thanks for the follow.its much appreciated .You have a wise mum.Best wishes for the future .NORA B.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies.
It has not been easy these years. I would repeatedly get stonewalled if I wanted to discuss issues and it all seemed it was on his terms. Yes- maybe this is the final push needed.
He is not a bad person- just not right for me.
Doesn't make the heartache easier though....But, as my mum always says- this too shall pass.
Thanks, again.
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (21 February 2016):
This is a very sad outcome for you and nobody expects to hear such a thing at anytime in a relationship.One thing you are now sure of is that he is a USER and not very nice person.Right now you you are hurt and shocked,so i want you to be gentle with yourself.The question is have you the strenght and will to leave this guy.Only you can answer this.Time will heal the hurt and you deserve someone that loves and respects you.Take care of yourself.Kind regards NORA B.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016): Your guy is angry about something, needs to end your relationship; or he has found someone, and wants to say things he knows will force you to reject him. That will help you to detach emotionally and get-over him that much faster. It may have been a relationship of convenience. In reality, most relationships are. We give and take, and expect a lot in return for our trust and devotion.
Did he spell it out, or just drop a bomb? Was he angry or just speaking as a matter of fact? His tone and intentions make all the difference.
Remember, you held on that five years. You centered everything around him, and may not have seen the signs and red-flags. People are often blind to how they affect others and can only see what happens to them. It's not always selfishness, it's a state of denial when you want something so badly you look the other way when you don't like what you see. I speculate that is the case here.
Do not allow this to destroy you from within. This is a slow poison that is often used by a narcissist. They build you up to break you down, and feed on that misery and pain they've caused you. It's their narcissistic supply. If he has often been cruel, and quickly switched back to nice. That is a possible sign that is what he might be.
In most cases, he has reached the expiration-date in your relationship. He is tired of sharing his life with you and wants to move on. He can not put it in a gentle way, he had to be direct; because he knows how you react to bad news. So he made sure it came across as direct as possible; to let you know, maybe he does not love you the way you think. It does not mean he never loved you. He gave you five years of his life. Lie or not, that's a huge chunk. If it was all good; then he may have been happy, until a certain event or change in circumstances came about.
If your relationship has been a series of struggles and fights. You just overlooked the realities of what was there. Nothing. Just a cycle of fights and quiet time before the next storm. You wanted what you wanted and wouldn't accept the truth about it. You held on because you wanted him so badly; and he may have simply used it to his benefit. After-all, love is hard to find. Some people take it from wherever they can find it, even if they don't give it back.
The truth is. Love cannot be faked. Anyone who can't tell the difference is delusional, and buried in they own denial. Let him go. If it was of convenience, you got what you wanted out of it too.
...............................
|
