A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife said she won’t go to marriage counselling with me: she’s convinced that we have solved all our problems (even though I tell her that I don't believe this is true), and she doesn’t want to talk to a stranger. I’m still going to make an appointment, and if she doesn’t turn up, I'm going to leave. I really believe that counselling might help us, but if she’s not willing to make the effort, I don’t see the point in continuing. What's the point of continuing in a marriage if we are both unhappy? For the sake of the children? Is it really better to see their parents fighting and crying? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, makeyourwifehot  +, writes (30 June 2009):
The stress and trauma of an unhappy marriage is very painful and also temporary. You obviously value the marrigae enough to seek out help. If she does not, then her values are either out of sync with yours or (more likely) she has given up on making it work.I was separated for a year, had an affair and came within a few months of divorce. What saved my marriage was open, direct, non-judgmental and very painful conversations. I am not saying it will save your marriage, but at least there will be no more hidden agendas.
A
female
reader, Spoonage +, writes (30 June 2009):
My parents constantly fought as my siblings and I were growing up. Now they don't talk at all.My mom keeps telling me they're only together until my little brother moves out (he's 12 now) because she doesn't want to deal with the drama. They got married because she became pregnant with his baby and she couldn't bear to be an unwed mother in the late 80s.I think them "staying together for the kids" is the worst idea ever. They don't communicate. My dad is always talking about the things he hates about my mother to me, and he won't tell her anything.Do not stay together for the kids. I created an account JUST so I could tell you that if you are only there for the kids, then you need to get out. The kids will hurt no matter what you do, and I think they'll hurt less this way.
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 Sometimes its just best to call it a day if your other half doesn't want to make the effort to try and meet you at least half way what can you do about it ? .... very little . Its sad to part when you have children but life is to short to be unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): It seems like you have already made your decision of what you are going to do, depending on your wife's actions.
I think you are going about this the right way. You are willing to try and sort things out with your wife. You are prepared to work at resolving any issues. She needs to meet you halfway. You can't do all of this on your own.
But you say she thinks you have sorted all of your problems. So have you told her some of the things you still feel are unresolved? Perhaps she doesn't know, and if you tell her she might reconsider the counselling option.
But if not, and you think it would be best to leave and move on, then I think that decision would be fine, especially if you feel it is the best thing for you to do. x
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