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My wife is cheating, but doesn't want to leave me.

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *rumman writes:

Thing between my wife and me have not been right for a while. She has been chatting a lot to other men online. A while back I found out that she was sending naked pictures to these men. I thought she stopped but recently she started talking to an old school friend. She started doing this more and more. She was due to go visit him as friends this weekend, but she had to cancel because he had to work. Last night she had left a webpage open and it was one of those sex chat sites again. From the chats she had on the site I found out that she had a one night stand a month ago and she was planning on meeting a bloke at a hotel. I confronted her today and she admitted it she says she does not know how she feels about me but does not want to leave me atm. She feels we don't really have a relationship atm. We have two young children together and I still love her and want to work things out somehow but I don't know how!?

View related questions: nude pictures, one night stand

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A male reader, brumman United Kingdom +, writes (2 November 2008):

brumman is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your advice, I've taken her back for now and she says that she's not going to meet that guy and the guy online is just a friend, for now. She wants to see how it goes. I'm hoping that we can improve our relationship so we can keep the family together.

I'm going to have a hard time trusting her though. Every time she goes out now I'm going to be going to be in agony. This whole thing has left me pretty traumatised feel like I'm on a knife edge. While I do love my wife still, my kids are very important to me and if we cant work things out she'll probably end up with the children (being the mom) and I'll only see my kids whenever, I don't want to miss out on their childhood! I like being a family I like being a dad.

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A female reader, Tashinalove United States +, writes (31 October 2008):

Tashinalove agony auntOk...her behavior is ENTIRELY unacceptable...totally loveless. But you said so yourself...you love her. You want to make this work. Here is my advice for you...Love her. Just love her. You see...many believe love is a feeling, when in actuality it's an action. A VERB. It's something you DO. So just love her. LOVE HER, and I believe the feeling will most likely follow...3

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008):

Sounds like you will just have to put up with it. Though i can't imagine why anyone would want to be treated in such a way.

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A female reader, Miss Potter United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2008):

Miss Potter agony auntMy advice is to separate for a while if that is possible, since she is the one that is cheating it should be her. If this cannot be arranged, move out of the bedroom, try to estrange from her. She cant be treating you like this. Try to show her what she will lose if she continues as I guess you will not want to stay together if she continues having affairs and cheating on you. She has to make up your mind about how she feels about you, otherwise thats torture for you, you dont deserve to be treated like this!

Ask her whether she is keen on working out things with you. If she just wants to experiment with new lovers then she should definitely move out and not traumatise your children!

Best of luck

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