A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married to my wife Elena (not real name) for 13 years, and in the past few weeks, she's been frightened to go out.Apparently, two men who claimed to be Proud Boys / Trump supporters threatened her as they'd seen her ID badge (of a beauty salon she works in, staff policy is to wear it at all times, it has the salon's logo on the ID which is worn) and claimed she wasn't a true American, but wasn't black enough to be black American either. They made physical threats to her as well.The police are investigating, but it's slow-going currently.My wife works in a beauty salon, has done so for the past 5 years.She told me how she's been threatened because of the color of her skin (she's black) and because her name doesn't seem to suit her ethnicity/nationality.My wife is originally from Greece, and has a Greek name and surname despite being black. It's a very obviously Greek-sounding name.I feel those people are ignorant; for example, in a Marvel Cinematic Universe there's a white actress who's got an English first name, Chinese surname, so it doesn't make sense what they did to my wife, does it?I first met her when working in Greece for my employer in 2006 aged 26 as an American expat there (the company later went out of business in 2016, I worked for them from 2005 to 2009) and it cost me a lot to get her here but it was really worth it, I love her a lot.I really love my wife, and we've made our relationship work, despite the significant cultural differences (at first both sides of the family were against it, but for more practical reasons rather than hating me outright, and worries over who'd see what side of the family).A few years ago (well, 10 years ago, actually) she joined an African-American women's group in the neighborhood, but her membership was terminated by the new chairwoman (after the old one retired during the pandemic) who claimed "she's faking being African-American" and that her membership fee is not refundable. This was during the pandemic, at its height.Where we live there isn't a large community of Greeks, or Greek-Americans (here, it's either Latinx or Asian American) and she feels she doesn't fit in with the African-American community here, but can't find anything to fit in with the Greek side of her.Greek-American culture is virtually uncommon here, we're in a state bordering a county in Texas, which is only around 5 miles from our town!She feels lonely and moving is an issue as we don't know where is best - see further down the page.My wife feels her confidence has been shaken and she doesn't know what to do - is torn between moving out and going to another city, starting our lives afresh (when my contract ends) or just staying here and trying to find a new social life.She'd considered moving to Florida, which she likes due to the climate, and also partially because there's a decent-size Greek-American community there (done the research on Wikipedia) or California (same reasons as Florida).I could get a job if we moved, but whether I'd be able to get one is an issue, since there probably is less opportunity for my line of employment (big rig driver carrying heavy equipment and dangerous chemicals on a freelance basis, hired long-term for some companies, short-term sometimes) - if I'd even get a job in those states. I've been a freelancer since April 2009 and doing my current line of work since March 2013.I want the best for both of us and really love my wife, moving isn't as big an issue since kids aren't in the picture, but how do we find somewhere we both agree on?My wife's mental health is the main, big issue right now and I want to help her; she wants support from me but as a white male I've had little experience of racism so can't identify in that area. The problem at hand is how to help my wife cope with this and being a good husband; this is our biggest crisis after our small one in 2011-2012 due to the recession (a three-week long bout of unemployment for me, which was saved from going from bad to worse by a chance introduction from an old high school friend who knew someone who could introduce me into trucking at the time).Would really appreciate some help here, and sorry for the length.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2021): Code warrior....I really believe this person.The police never do anything to prevent crime like this until it is too late.They are really only report takers.The head of the police union for the USA is a white surprimicist.It is well documented.I say run and run fast.Run very far...but not to the south...Go north they are not as racist.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2021): P.S.
If you made this all up for the purpose of race-baiting; or trolling for the sake of causing commotion on this site, as Code Warrior suspects. I never feel my advice is wasted. There is always a reader who can relate and use it. If your post is real, I hope you can. It's no skin off my nose!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2021): The matter is under investigation; but threats are unsettling when people can find ways to make personal-contact or communication. Outside of seeking police-protection; there is little else you can do, but consider relocating.
Being of the same ilk as your wife; Greek dad, and Indigenous Native American mother (100% Cherokee)...my father's paternal-grandfather was Moroccan. He inherited the dark-skin gene, giving him a deeper brown complexion. Making it hard to differentiate him from Indian (Asian), or Arab. Dark eyes, and thick black wavy hair. My siblings and I also share the darker complexion; and yes, even some of dad's fair-skinned Greek-relatives referred to us as the "darkies." You don't get cut much slack when people aren't sure where to categorize you racially; but bigotry seems to be their first option to deal with you. I never personally had an identity-issue; my Native American grandfather always told me as long as his blood runs in my veins, I am Cherokee. I am Greek, from my dad's blood, and I am Moroccan from my great-grandfather's side. I am multiracial, and proud of it. Bigots can mind their own business!
Since it's now acceptable for people to be outwardly and openly bigoted; you have to be courageous. Where the heck are you going to hide? My indigenous ancestors were already here thriving by the millions when European ships hit the now-called American shores. Yet Natives were considered "ignorant savages;" and no better than animals. Why people have these hateful notions? Nobody knows! You can't go kill yourself, or runaway from it. It's everywhere! Not everyone ascribes to the hateful mindset; and don't forget there is an Almighty God, and He's always in-charge. Evil feels emboldened; because politicians now exploit nasty human weaknesses and prejudices to divide us. Hell is just waiting for their kind, and God doesn't smile on the hateful. As they say; "the devil is liar!"
If you have to travel, and your wife feels unsafe. It may give you some peace of mind to relocate. Preferably to a tolerant, multiethnic, and diverse neighborhood. I grew-up in an affluent liberal-neighborhood; where we had no trouble with our neighbors, although we got stares and dirty-looks from some.
Stay on-top of the police to make sure they are seriously looking into the threats. They may be dismissive, and not likely to prioritize such issues. When you insist and persist on seeking justice; the squeaky wheel gets the oil! In the Bible, there is a parable of an old-woman who bugged and nagged a judge for protection and justice. He wasn't afraid of God, or anybody. He was self-absorbed and indifferent to human suffering. The old-woman never gave him a moment's peace. He finally acquiesced and gave her the justice she demanded, lest she wear him out! Say your prayers, and get the Lord involved; and you will have a layer of peace and protection. The parable was more about being persistent in prayer and faith; but it can apply here too, if you include God as a weapon in your arsenal.
I have an Iranian brother-in-law, a Jewish brother-in-law, an all-white brother-in-law, and a black sister-in-law. With a colorful mixture of beautiful nieces and nephews! We exist, and we are proud people in spite of hatred or bigotry! Your wife has to adapt to the reality that sometimes you don't fit into one ethnic-category; but you are of the human race. If you are believers in Jesus as the Son of God, and that there is an Almighty and sovereign God; you will find peace beyond all human understanding. He will protect you, and He will give you the justice you deserve. If you are non-believers, you will have to have patience; and depend solely on law enforcement to protect you. I will pray for you and your wife, regardless. God lets the sun shine and the rain fall on both the believer and unbeliever. He is loving and merciful. He'll bless even non-believers; because all people are capable of, and welcomed to, turning to Christ and seeking salvation. I lived in sin, although I was raised in a pious Christian-family. Jesus never let me go, and always took care of me. My parents always prayed for us never to lose our faith. He answered their prayers! We thrive, in spite of what goes-on around us! God is good, and ever to be praised!
I'll pray that God's peace and guidance be with you and your wife. Have courage, and be not afraid. That's one of God's commandments. Don't let evil trick you into believing your situation is hopeless. It is not. The devil is a liar!
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