A
female
age
41-50,
*rin26
writes:I'm 26 years old and still a virgin. I'm not saving it for any reason, it just hasn't happened (which is weird I know). I really want to have a healthy sex life at my age. I'm still single, and not really concerned about being in a relationship, so I'm not too wild about finding the right one to do it with. There's this guy that I want to have sex with badly, and he doesn't know. I'm wondering if I could de-virgin myself with a sex toy before I take our situation any further? Is that bad? I know this is a strange idea, even humorous, but I'm just wondering...
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sex life, sex toy, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I think it's sad you don't want to save the 'gift' of your virginity for the love of your life -husband. A man that makes a 'promise' to love and cherish you in front of the world. Everytime you have sex with a guy, those memories will forever be in your mind. Your giving a piece of your heart out. If you give all the pieces away with many men, how much of your heart will you be able to give your husband?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I don't think you should try with the toy first. One possible reason is perhaps he's already known you are a virgin then he finds out you are not at the first time both of you are together, this may make him think if you cheats him or else. That would make the situation more complicated.
Else, there are many girls like you in Asia. The tradition here is keeping until marriage. For some reasons that's the way to memorize you the true love when you do. It's not bad like you thought. And if he's a good guy and deserved. Spend the first time with him.
Good luck to you! And be wise!
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A
male
reader, Austinalive +, writes (9 November 2008):
For the last you wrote: yes you'll have to tell him eventually, or even better, prepare all this relation based on your conditions.
I read that you want to please him in bed and being a virgin won't help you, well, that's a way of thinking that won't be helpful for you to enjoy sex. You don't have to please him, you have both to please each other AND please yourself at the time.
I don't know what kind of guy is he, but if he thinks a little like me (preferring you to enjoy rather than having you just making his wishes come true) you'll blow his mind simply asking him to teach you, and being gentle.
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A
female
reader, Erin26 +, writes (9 November 2008):
Erin26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the replies, I appreciate it. I think, because I have a flirtacious streak and a mysterious, sassy persona, he thinks I'm sexually experienced. I do like him, and would love to blow his mind, no doubt...lol, but alas I'm a virgin.
Again, thanks for not making me feel like an idiot, everyone. I still don't know what i'm gonna do. I don't want it to hurt, or have my virginity be obvious if we have sex and I don't tell him. But I guess I'll have to tell him eventually?
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A
male
reader, Cowboy  +, writes (8 November 2008):
I took my friend's virginity as a 'favour'.
I don't think your situation is too bizarre. My friend was not as old as you (she was 18) but she felt that her virginity was getting in the way in the same way that you do.
She told me that all of her friends regretted the way in which they lost theirs, and they often held the guy that they lost their virginity to in contempt.
She had turned down sex with guys she liked on a few occasions because she built it up in her head so much that she was extremely nervous, even fearful of doing it for the first time.
She made a pragmatic choice to lose her virginity to someone who she liked, and whom she could feel relaxed around and that she could remain friends with afterwards.
Naturally, I was only too pleased to help!
We did it on Chrismas eve (well technically xmas day) after going out and getting just drunk enough to calm her nerves.
It went surprisingly well, no awkwardness at all, and she is still one of my best friends to this day.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): It depends on a persepctive from which one views it. From an African perspective, it really is a honour for a women to have kept and still be a virgin for such a long time. I'd advise that you make your first time a memorable one by "making love" with someone you deeply love, and with whom you prabably will grow old. Most men would die to be the first. Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Your virginity is not getting in the way. If you have a man who is sweet and kind, he will be happy to see that you had moral reasons or just RESTRAINT. Not being a ho is never a bad thing if it is a good man
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A
male
reader, Austinalive +, writes (8 November 2008):
If he doesn't know, how can you tell he'll be upset about you being a virgin?
Most of men feel glad of having a virgin, make'em feel special.
But there's another point on this: do you just want to have sex or expect a deep relationship? if it's the first one maybe you'll regret it.
About sex toys, you can do it, but as well as some men feel betrayed because their girls had sex before with other guy, so they can feel about a stupid toy.
Think about it. And if possible, talk to him.
PS being a virgin isn't wrong, yet many criticize (women usully wich don't want to feel alone) so there's no hurry.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 November 2008):
To be honest I think at your age, unless you live like a nun, your hymen is probably long gone.
Tampons, bikes, anything like that will damage it so it's probably un-noticable to any man.
Go for the guy you like and don't worry about it.
Good Luck!! xx
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