A
female
age
30-35,
*anderlustgirl
writes:HiI am feeling very upset and distressed.I am 31 years old and im british from london just some background.My uncle who was barely 60 died on friday :(My fathers older brother. We were close ,he was like a second father and he sacrificed alot to help our family in terms of financial difficulties etc.He had a huge affection and abundance of love for me being his eldest niece and once a month i would go around their house and spend time with my uncle and aunt.He was such a kind man and a beautiful human being.Covid 19 pandemic delayed him getting medical help. I found out on Friday suddenly via phone call that he had passed away.It was sudden. I have been stricken by deep sadness since Friday. We are muslim so due to virus mosque are closed and only 5 people allowed at the funeral.Due to the virus i have not been able to see my father who is torn and be near my family.I lost my gran the year before that.my husband has been amazing and telling me he will take care of me and as soon as lockdown is over in uk and safe to do so we can go to the countryside in england which i love.I am a deep thinker too.His death made me think about my own mortality .I keep thinking about him and how much i loved him and how he died so suddenly and that i couldnt see him.Am i going to be grief stricken like this ? I am going outside for fresh air once a day but of course social distance always.I have been watching movies,putting my make up on brushing my hair usual routine.Its only been 3days since his demise.I guess i dont know .I guess what im saying is when my gran died i was grief stricken in a daze and i feel like im in a daze again.I cant remember how i coped .Im shocked .They say time is a healer? I cant stop thinking of him.im devasted.im Please share your story if you can of bereavement and what helped to heal and see better day.Thankyou so much for reading this.Please takecare
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2020): In May 2019, my sister passed from lupus. She left behind six kids, the youngest was 15. She had a rough time; but suddenly seemed to make a recovery. She was up and talking; we thought she was going to get well enough to leave the hospital. That wasn't the case. She didn't make it. Yes, we prayed and her minister visited her bedside. He and others prayed for her; but it was God's decision that she should leave this world.
We know the circle of life. We have strong faith and trust in God's will. I am not overtaken with bitterness, I deal with my grief. It comes in waves. I've lost some of my family, my first partner, and both parents. So, I've had my share of bereavement. It crushed me every time someone died!
You don't grow used to it, it hurts just as badly each and every-time it happens. I pray for strength, I seek the comfort of those I still have. My siblings, cousins, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Love surrounds me, thanks to God. It doesn't stop hurting to know they are not coming back; but you learn to live with it day by day. I will reunite with all my lost family someday; and I will never lose them again. God promised me that. He said it, I believe it, and that settles it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2020): Words and best wishes cannot penetrate the initial shock of losing a loved-one. I offer you my sincerest condolences; but from personal-experience, well-meaning words at a time like this don't help to comfort the deep loss and grief you're feeling right-now.
Stick close to your husband. The lock-down is necessary; so you won't also be grieving your parents!
Nobody is happy to be practically under house-arrest and confinement! The complaining makes the ordeal all the worse; because we want to ignore the reasoning and simply consider we want things to be like normal.
The reality is, things are not normal right-now; and will not be for a long-time. There are many acting in defiance; and setting their selfishness ahead of the safety of others. Even so-called Christians are testing God to see if they'll get divine-immunity to the virus. Some may, some may not. God is everywhere, and you can just as easily pray and worship at home; as you can in a building with a steeple on it. God is more concerned that we turn to Him, not just show-up at a mosque, church, or temple. He's everywhere at the same time! He's GOD!
Yes, we must worship together in fellowship; but with today's technology, we can still do it live-stream online. It is only temporary. God is merciful and understanding, and what he wants most from us is to love Him, be obedient, love each other, and to pray without ceasing. Be it in a building of worship, or in our homes with our families. Death knows no convenient time, and cares not what we feel when it hits. It's agonizing! It just hurts, but we have to do the best we can under the circumstances.
If you have the devices to face-time your parents; do it as often as possible. You have all the time in the world right-now. If you don't, they understand why; and your calls are just as valuable to them.
Don't make it worse on yourself. Don't let frustration amplify your sorrows. Things are not normal, and we have to adapt. It is for your safety, and the safety of others. Nothing can separate your love from your parents; and you can't let this virus win. Pray, and seek your comfort through worship. Pray for the welfare and well-being of others. You aren't the only one going through this. Thousands are facing separation and the loss of loved-ones right-now. Do not be selfish or complain. God waits with His arms open to comfort us in times like these. It doesn't matter when, or where you are.
You have to show your respects from a distance. The same would occur had he passed out of the country, and if you couldn't afford to be there. Different circumstances, maybe...but same outcome. You wouldn't be there! The time will come when you can do a memorial service for your beloved uncle with your family. I think he would want all of you not to worry, be strong, and just be safe.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 April 2020):
 I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss.
My brother lost his other brother in law (his wife's sister's husband) from brain cancer 3 weeks ago. The only allowed 25 people at the funeral (before the new guide lines) He was 52, and left 3 kids and a wife.
SO many people wanted to come. His wife has plans on a wake for all who wish to come, whenever the quarantine is over. which might not be until August. It's really the best she can do.
So maybe you can find a way to honor your uncle as soon as the quarantine is over.
But for NOW allow yourself to grieve. Cry if you need to. Write him a letter with all that you wanted to say to him. It can be a work in progress. And when you are able READ it out loud when you are alone or with family.
My mom died 10 years ago and there isn't a day going by where I don't think of her and miss her. But I don't break down crying any more. I think if her with love and I miss her. I always will. She was my rock.
Call your dad daily, talk and listen. Be your dad's little rock. Let him be yours.
Call your aunt too. She might need someone to talk to as well.
I don't know enough about your religion, so don't take offense when I say, say a little prayer for him when you think of him.
I'm glad to hear you have a wonderful husband who takes good care of you. Let him. And lease allow yourself to grieve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2020): Hi
Sorry that you are going through bereavement especially at a time like this, unfortunately, I can say I know how you are feeling. At the moment I am heartbroken, my dad died four weeks ago. We were lucky enough to at the very least just before lockdown have a funeral. It was not a proper one, only immediate family wife and children aloud, no screen with his life story and photographs, no specific scenic route, no flowers, so we all made beautiful colored tissue paper flowers. It was in and out of the crematorium rushed, and he was 20 mins late for his own funeral and the hearse was speeding doing over 40 in a 25 zone. I take some humour in this part as my father would have laughed at this, and in a strange way it eased the deep pain.
We were very very lucky to be with him when he died and to be at his funeral. So many like yourself do not have this opportunity now and my heart really goes out to you all.
I believe with unshakable faith that he is just over the horizon and one fine day we will all meet again, I started to write a journal to ease the empty feelings, and paint ( he was a great artist). I am painting him a picture of a horse his song live like horses. His pocket watch stopped at the exact time he passed over.
Please hold on tight to your own faith and beliefs and love to get you through.
I am sending you a big hug, I know how much it hurts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2020): I am so sorry about your loss ... I know this is a selfish view(to most people) but if my close family member died nothing would stop me going to family ,providing everyone is well of course... not a big gathering but just you and your mum and dad is ok , you can still distance yourself ...
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