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male
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anonymous
writes: My new girlfriend is a stripper table dance and prostitute.She claims she now only strips. She spends most of her time with me goes to work arrives at my house 6 am daily sleeps with me (no sex my choice) hugs kiss only. I Never have paid her nor does she ask to. Tells me 10 times a day how inlove she is with me but the cell phone keeps ringing only conversation. She 25 and 1 year prostitute. I am Trying to place in a well paid job. She accepted, but I feel the gogo bar etc. Small arguments obvious reasons.What is the future for us and our love affair?
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affair, prostitute, stripper Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, MikeCali  +, writes (12 August 2008):
I guess the story is already over when you read my message.I had similar experience with you, and the result was not pretty. It took me 5 months to realize that she is who she is and will NOT change any time soon. Finally I decided to end the relationship to cut my loss. 3 months after our breakup, still finds her posting ads online selling herself.She was a stripper for a couple of weeks after the night I was going to dump her when finding out she was still seeing her clients. Most of the girls like her will have mental disorders, in her case, ADHD and other disorder and had been sexually abused. Be careful, don't distory yourself, don't hurt her physically and don't virbally abuse her. None of these help...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): you know what leave the girlfriend put her on the spot either you go with me or never do thoes things or if she refuses find another woman you dont need any of this they shouldnt be involved in thoes type of things in the first place
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): I have been through an exact situation; so I understand it quite well. I agree with Dr. Pete that you should start making love/having sex, though not unprotected. It is important to any normal healthy relationship.
Also, though you must treat her like a normal lady. you must rember two things:
1.) as Dr. Pete said she may have emotional & our psychological issues so take it slow, so that you can assess here "State of Mind"
2.) Trust is an issue, and trust must be earned. Many of these women have "clients:. Basically, Men who are called Friends or Boyfriends, but pay them monthly, some amount of money for spending time with them. And Yes, this often includes sex.
Do not lie to yourself! She is/was a prostitute. She willingly, most probably, has the ability to have sex with hundreds of men. Like my girlfriend, an ex-prostitute, I know that they are some of the most fun :) girls in the world! Great sex, of course! But marriage is a whole different ball game; divorce is expensive, child support sucks, and you better be sure she is not still seeing "Friends" (i.e paying clients) while you are at work.
To be honest, date her, have fun! Of course :) But go fing yourself a real wife at church or something. You will sleep more peacfully, not get distracted about "watch she is doing" while at office, and potentially save yourself from an adulterous wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Everything Dr. Pete says, and then some!
I would only add: do you know if she still has a pimp? Its my understanding that pimps don't let go of "their" women and the income they provide, easily. Often the pimp will seek to "chain" a woman to him with threats, and drugs. You don't need to get involved in this kind of trouble!
Second, has she been tested for HIV and other STDs recently? If not, she needs to get tested, and you need to be sure she has given up her way of life.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr Pete  + ♥, writes (3 August 2006):
 You haven't mentioned whether or not her past - or present - bothers you, so I'll assume it doesn't. I think you have as much chance as having a successful relationship as any one does, but there are a few words of advice I can offer.I don't believe any women who is sufficiently emotionally developed will turn to prostitution. I will guess she has experienced some troubling times in her past that lead her to prostitute herself, and to continue stripping now. Prostitution can have the same affect as those who have experienced rape, or sexual and emotional abuse. In a person who has developed 'normally' - sex and intimacy are strongly bonded with love and respect. When 'abnormal' often traumatic experiences occur, this bond is perversely broken and for those who are affected they can, for a time at least, find the concept of love, intimacy and monogamy very difficult and paradoxical (she desires it; but at the same time is scared of it and fights it)She overly tells you how much she loves you because she wants your love in return, yet, I feel she probably does not feel worthy of your love, and may not for a while. She repeats the "I love yous", not so much to relay her feelings, but more because she wants to hear the same thing from you, she needs the continual reassurance that she is wanted and needed.We all have a past, and a degree of emotional baggage but in your case, you need to look out for a few things in particular: You need to a) be sure that she is always truthful to you and b) be sure that she no longer seeks attention from other men. These are the signs that this girl is ready for a relationship. The fact however, that she is still a stripper is not a good sign, in my opinion.Also, whilst it may seem like a good idea that you are not having a sexual relationship with her (and - assuming neither of you (now) have nothing against pre-marital sex) that isn't necessarily a good thing. You need to get to a "normal" relationship state as soon as you can. Any thing else will reinforce the idea that she is in someway "damaged".If you reserve from having sex with her because you feel she is not "ready" then neither is she ready for a relationship. If this is the case, the more you make allowances for her and show yourself to be the "perfect" and caring guy, the more she will feel inferior, second-rate and not good enough; and a reactionary way of feeling this way is to sabotage the relationship, not to work at it.I have known a number of prostitutes (none of them intimately!) and also those who have had sexual abuse in their past and I've seen in them, every time, that it often takes many years, sometimes decades for their self-distructive behaviour to become realised, and to be put in the past. Reading between the lines in your message, I don't feel like this girl has yet got to that stage. But, I may be wrong - and I do wish you the best in the future. Just treat her like any other girl and if there are problems, you know she is not ready for a relationship. At least you have showed her that there are men who wish to have love over sex.
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