A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay,so im 15 about to be 16 in 2 weeks and me an my bf have been dating for 5 months now but we never get to hang out outside of school and im afraid he'll break up with me because of this. My parents don't think I'm of age to be dating even though im more responsible then them. I asked last night to go out and I got grounded and yelled at. I've been doing everything for them for the past 15 years and I can't seem to get one night for myself with my boyfriend. How do I get them to see my side??help?=[. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 i duno if i miss interpreted ur post, but i didnt think it was about sex, correct me if im wrong!
But yes, you need to tell your parents, even if its tellin a lil white lie and say this guy aint a big deal, and your not going to do anything shameful with him!
Just so they know, tell them, if you have aunts or uncles im sure your parents will tell them, but your aunt or uncle will tell them getting a boyfriend is very normal and nothing for you parents to get annoyed at.
Speaking to a close family friend about it would also help.
Anyone who could persuade your parents that bfs arent a big deal!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): well thanks you guys for answering and to answer some questions, comments, and concerns by night i did not mean us getting down to doing the deed you see we just want to go to the movies and the night is the only free time. I've taken amn abstinant pledge that we both understand im not breaking any time soon. So no sex.
And the thing is my rents won't even let me out with friends. No sleepovers. No mall. NADA. See my problem?
Thank you for your help though i still know not what to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): http://www.livestrong.com/article/12483-age-consensual-sex/
Above is an article about the legal age to have consensual sex in the US, it is a state law so check your state.
I hope you will wait until you are well out of high school though to have sex for many reasons to include the ability to financially support a child on your own,,,,can you now? Then wait, there is no 100% protection against prgnancy and serious illness caused by STD.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): i had this exact problem, and i know how much of a pain it is! its like they cant see anything from your point of view, and its so frustrating because everyone else is out having fun while your not. the only advice i can give you is what i did to change it. im 17 and i still have the problem to a certain extent if im honest! but it helped. i would sit them down when they're in the mood to talk, and tell them everything you feel. only YOU know your parents and so its hard for anyone else to give you advice which will definitly change anything. i tell you that bcause people used to tell me stuff like "just go out anyway, i bet they will just let you out eventually if you keep going out anyway" and they told me that because they didnt know my parents like i did. if i went out without their permission i'd be groudned for weeks! so for me, i sat my mum down (she was the most strict) and explained to her how i felt, and how i felt i was missing out on so many things and i tried to help her but she treated me like i was still 13, i jst tried to make her see without shouting and arguing that i was mature enough to be allowed out. it took some time and i had to keep trying to prove my maturity to her, and even now i still have to prove it to her or go through a big debate for her to actually let me go places. but she started being a lot more lenient with me, and i KNOW that if i say this you'll probably think im just saying it but seriosly, im not that much older than you, and believe me, im sure your parents arent trying to make you miserable (although it may seem it sometimes!) and if they didnt care, they would let you do what you want. i totally understand that sometimes parents can be too suffocating and they should learn to have a balance between not letting you out ever to letting you go were you like, but its just something to think about. one more thing, when i was your age i always wanted to be like my friend *Kelly* (not her real name). she got to do whatever she wanted and go wherever she wanted, with no curfew. nearly 3 years on i can tell you, *Kelly* slept around, got a name for herself, drank too much, put herself in risky situations, got pregnant, and dropped out of college and now works full time in macdonalds! its just a thought, her parents never cared and every day i thank my parents for teaching me some respect and morals, and for keeping me on some sort of leash! i really hope the advice helps, if it doesnt ill leave it up to the other agony aunts! but it helped me. :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): I think that its often hard for parents to accept that their children are growing up. However, I think that your parents should let you see your boyfriend. You are old enough to decide who you want to be friends with and who you have sex with (you can have sex legally when youre 16!).
I would sit them down and tell them you really like your boyfriend and ask them if they would like to meet him. Maybe you could invite him around for dinner. If this sounds far too awkard. Perhaps they could drive you and your boyfriend to the cinema and then they could go and do there own thing and then pick you both up after the film. Once they've met him a few times they might be more comfortable with the idea of you both going out by yourselves.
You should probably have the awkard sex talk with them too i.e. you don't want to become pregnant, you will use a condom at all times etc..
My parents sound exactly like yours and I have to say that if all fails and they wont let you see him, you should think about meeting him regardless. You should perhaps say you are meeting another friend and meet him instead. I know its awful to lie to your parents and its probably not the most responsible advice to give you. However, I did lots of stuff my parents wouldn't have approved of when I was your age - its all part of being a teenager and growing up. Always stay safe though let someone who you trust know where you are going.
Hope this helps and good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): You are living under their roof, your parents have your best interests at heart whether you see their side or not, and they have been doing for you for the last 15 years, putting a roof over your head, feeding and clothing you and taking the responsibility of educating and raising you to be an adult.
You are not an adult, nor do you have the life experience to make wise choices for yourself. It may seem like your parents are overly strict, but perhaps it is the boy they do not trust...they know what 15 year old boys are like, or teenage boys and they are trying to be sure their daughter makes it out of high school unscathed.
Do you plan to further your education after high school? What will happen to this boyfriend then? Will you be so concerned that he will break up with you that you will put your dreams of a career and a future aside to be with him?
Think, woman, boyfriends in high school are meant to be temporary, your high school years should be about fun, not serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationships...I know you care for him and you like him, so if he likes you, he will stick with you.
Are your parents against taking the two of you to a movie or to the mall and picking you up after? If you approach them in this way, that you are going out with a group and will come straight home, then perhaps that would be acceptable to them.
Your parents care about you, some parents don't care about their kids and their kids have freedoms, but they also get into lots of trouble that they can't handle....I know it seems unfair, but until you are older and on your own, their house, their rules.
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