A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have recently turned 18 years old (last yr high school) and my parents STILL try to control every aspect of my life. to many adults im the nice hardworking student. because of this, i would think that my parents would trust me when it comes to relationships, drinking etc but they still 'forbid' me. i need to try and get them to change my curfew, its been 12am since i was 16. even though im at the legal drinking age im apparently 'not allowed to drink without parental supervision'. because of this i feel forced to lie to them when i want to have a good time. they continue treating me like a child and i think its because they keep seeing me as their little girl. i cant stand it anymore and everytime i try to reason with them they snap their heads off at me. i need to get through to them and make them understand that i can take care of myself and that they cant control everything i do. please help!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): sorry this is the original poster of the question. when i said have a good time i didnt mean i needed to have a drink to have a good time. i mean even just having sleepovers and staying up late to watch a movie is not on with my parents, and so is clubbing etc if i choose to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): It's a shame you HAVE to drink to have a good time. I understand alcohol makes you do stupid things, gets you dizzy, nauseous, gives you a haeadache, makes you lose your good judgement, makes you look like an inmature person, and it's bad for your body mind and soul. What's good about that?Good time is being with real friends who are intelligent enough to know how to have a good time with their sober minds. Friends who appreciate you enough to keep you from doing stupid things and damage your body. Teenagers with good self esteem know they don't have to do what everyone else does to fit in or to be happy. So I think your parents are doing you a favor. And I don't have kids and I've never been married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): You've explained yourself extremely well here, and what you've said should be good enough to get through to your parents. But every time you try to reason with them, they snap your head off?
That's not good, not fair, and not on. They may be dealing with their own mid-life shit, but that's no excuse. Tell them again what you've said to us here. If they snap your head off, or raise their voices, stay calm and collected, and ask them why they can't reason with you like mature sensible adults (adults are supposed to be more sensible than kids, but that isn't always the case - often the exact opposite).
If that fails, you'll have to think about striking out on your own. You're an adult now, and they need to realise this, and they may have to find out the hard way. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Hmmm.. so did you say you lied to them about drinking cause they don't allow it? Maybe that's part of why they feel like they can't trust you. I grew up in a very strict religious home. I wasn't allowed to go out after school or on the weekends let alone until 12! I did well in school but wanted to have fun too. I learned the hard way that as long as I live under my parent's roof, its their rules. And by SHOWING them that I am mature and can be trusted, they relaxed a lot more than I ever thought.
Now I live on my own, but I can call my mom at 11pm before a night out and she'll tell me to be safe and have fun. I can go to restaurants and drink with my parents. They know that my boyfriend and I go away together on vacations. And they trust me and I give them no reason not to and it feels great. Be honest and it can be surprising how cool parents can be. Going out to drink is fun but I've learned its okay to say no to my friends once in a while and to respect my parents. Good luck!
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