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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I split up with my gf cos she thought i was possesive, now theres nothing worse than a over protective boyfriend i know, and i have to admit that i was being over protective of her but i really didnt meant to be and it really tears me up what happened....A few years back i had a previous gf cheat on me with a friend behind my back,which obviously as you could imagine had quite an effect on me.My gf who i split up with,doesnt understand what happned between US, we were going through a rough patch which made me uneasy but i was fine i wasnt being protective or anything, but we used to do this from time to time but everyhing would always work out so i was ok with it sort of.We had a fight and split up for like one day, but her friends tried to set her up with this guy this 1 nite(not knowing that me and this guy knew each other) we bumped into each other in a club and he swore he wouldnt do anything it, but course knowing hes a guy and history of him playing round on his gf didnt help. Anyways we made up like a couple days later and were back together and she swore nothing happned, but i noticed a comment on her web page from her girly friend bout him askin her for her number, and was feeling really uneasy about it all and i started feeling really uneasy about everything and acting over protective cos of it,because id already had it happen to me before in the past and it was like the whole thing could of happened again that night, i really didnt mean to act like that and i hate it, i would never be like that normally. I love this girl more than anything in the world and it tears me apart she doesnt understand why i acted that way and were not together because of it, but its been a while now since we split up and i try to speak to her to explain myself but i guess that looks like i wont let her go out of possesivness maybe? I can't help but want to explain myself, because i can't let go cos i know she doesnt understand? Someone help cos im a real mess from it. What should i do?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 You need to say the magic words, "I'm sorry". When it comes to a current relationship, she doesn't care what the past did to you. She cares what you do to her. You need to learn to treat people as individuals and not attach past events to future relationships. Let her know you were afraid, but being afraid doesn't give an excuse to treat her the way you did. Any time you say "well my ex did this" it's like saying "i'm comparing you to my ex." She's a separate person and being so, you need to learn to treat her that way.
Take care.
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