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My mom is a cougar! How do I get over it?

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Question - (22 October 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *oconfusedhelp writes:

So heres the story. Im 16 and my name is Candace. I'm inique, pretty and fun to be around and hilarious, and I get that from my mom. I haven't seen or talked to my real dad in years. (i dont miss him at all). My mom remarried and had a son with my stepdad, but then they got divorced when I was 11. I live with my mom now and I love it. Shes like my best friend. She looks really young even though shes 40. (she has pretty long blonde hair and fake booooobs and listens to the same music as me). This would annoy some people but I love it. So my mom and I were shopping the other day and this HOT kid walked past us and smiled AT HER. I told my mom i thought he was really hot and she went on to explain to me that this, well call him "donnie," was nineteen and that she had hooked up with him, I guess kinda went out with him, when he was 18. My mother is a freaking cougar! I'm not mad at her but I've been finding that this is hard to get over. Help!

View related questions: best friend, divorce

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A male reader, Nithyanala Indonesia +, writes (23 October 2010):

Nithyanala agony auntSome older women do enjoy it - I know from when I was in my teens myself. You may want to have a serious talk with your mother on this though. She does have responsibilities with respect to you and it's slightly - inappropriate - what she's doing. Being with a younger man around 30 is all right I guess but 18? Not a good idea at any time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010):

Tell her not to tell you the details

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A male reader, Ricemonster Canada +, writes (23 October 2010):

Ricemonster agony auntYum! Cougar! Introduce your mom to me! ^_~

I think your mom's business is her own. Whoever she chooses to have intimate relationships with, is her own business. Unlike Tennisstar88, I don't believe in acting ones age. How dull the world would be, if we had to limit ourselves to what others think other people should or should not do.

How do you get over it? You don't if you're obviously bothered by it. The only way of not being bothered by it as much, is not be exposed to it. Eg: move away, live in a different place than your mom, don't introduce her to your male friends, etc.

If I had a mom like that, I would be o_O, but never would I suggest her to change her behavior, to suit my needs. Too selfish on my part. Instead, I may suggest to her that it bothers me and would greatly appreciate that she doesn't hook up with my friends. Nah, I wouldn't even suggest that at all. Then again, that's just me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010):

u can not tell ur mum how to act but u can however explain that her sleeping with men who r that young is making u uncomfortable and u just dont want her to tell u about it.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (23 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntWoah, your momma isn't acting her age now is she? This is where you have a serious talk with your mother and tell her you need a mother not a best friend. Explain to her, she needs to set a good example for you and not sleep around with all the teenage boys who are closer to your age. What happens when you find a boyfriend and bring him home to meet your mother, only to find out she's slept with him too? Awkward. Let her know that you're not trying to change her, but just asking her to act more like a mother and sleep with men closer to her age, not ones young enough to be her son.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (23 October 2010):

Denise32 agony auntWell yes, I'm sure this is very hard for you to take.

She's your Mom, the person who gave birth to you and brought you up. You don't expect your mother to be hooking up with a 19 year old.......maybe you were thinking of him as a possible date for yourself?

Can you talk to her and tell her this whole thing really bothers you? Or if not, is there someone else you can confide in? an aunt or your grandmother??

By the way, I think "cougar" is a horrible term - but that's just my opinion.....

We'll see what some of the other aunts and uncles have to say.......good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010):

It sounds like your mother is kinda pathetic.

Its one thing to be an attractive older woman and sleep with a younger person of legal age, but it's entirely different to seemingly be afraid of your actual age.

She is apparently terrified of getting old (it happens to everyone, there is no escaping it). But she fails to realise that the more you try and resist it, the more you try and look young, the more pathetic you become.

Nothing is worse than seeing some hot old lady try and act like she's still 20. I mean, you can be a Milf and NOT look like you are trying to 'be down with the kids'.

Flynn 24

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010):

Hmm,

Your mom is just using these young boys for sex. You know, men have done it for years. Either she really thinks she is all that, OR has low self esteem and that is why she dates/sleeps with these boys to make herself believes she is still all that. I don't know what else to say, just don't grow up to be like her!!

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