A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met up with my first love a few months ago. We had dinner and talked for ages. A few weeks later he invited me to his home and we had a lovely day together, he bought a take away and wine. I felt so comfortable with him. He is so comfortable with me and tells me more or less everything about himself. On occasions a little too much. That's what I love about him. I feel that I really know him.We spoke about what caused the break up in 1988. I got into trouble with the law and he had just been signed to a major recording label. His life was going up and mine was spiralling out of control. He just could not deal with it. He kept in contact with me but tried to distance himself from me and started to see other women which I found difficult to deal with. Looking back with fresh eyes I can see what was happening. At the time I did not want to lose him.Ideally I should have distanced myself and sorted out my life but instead was I was throwing myself at him. I have seen him a few times over the years but my situation changed in 1992 when I had a child for someone else. The father was a good friend and I felt ready for a child as it stabilised me but I was not passionately in love with the father of my child and I think he knew that. I went on and had a second child. By this time I had thrown myself into nearly completing my degree and when on to train as a teacher.My ex was becoming a figure of the past. Issues with children's father existed and I was not happy. we eventually broke up. Cutting a long story, back to the current day, my situation has changed I've spent 11 years teaching and now work as Air Cabin Crew. I have three sons one still living with me. I own two houses and my own car.I've never married and did it all on my own.The afternoon we spent together was lovely and despite not wanted to end up in bed, we did and he was so passionate and loving and could not stop kissing me. I was very clear about the use of protection as he admitted that he is still sexually active but has not a specific girlfriend.I felt like I was walking on clouds after seeing him, he made me feel so special. I cant stop thinking about him but he wants to get back into music again full time and I feel history is going to repeat itself. I suppose it will if I allow it too. Is it possible to love someone after all this time and for the feelings to be so strong. I feel we have a special connection and I don't want to spoil it.Im just trying to think of what I can do. I know I should leave him to do the running. I don't ring him much and he knows my job is quite demanding. I was in some sort of relationship with my youngest child's father but he's abandoned us and I have had to let out my house due to money problems. Currently living with my older son. I need someone to share my live with. I find it hard to establish new relationships and always seem to go back with people I have known from the past.Any words of wisdom appreciated.
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 November 2015):
 You own two houses and you let one owing to money problems. What has caused that?
You have a good job, but it is a job that is hard on relationships, particularly if you are flying long haul.
You say you always seem to go back with people you have known from the past. That doesn't appear to have worked all that well for you.
Isn't there a saying about repeating the same actions but expecting a different result?
Essentially going back to people you have known is an easy option in a difficult life.
Fitting a normal life into your job is hard. You are not only limited in your pool of friends and acquaintances, but also in your opportunities to try different pursuits to meet new people due to you schedules.
I believe that going back to old loves and hoping for more than you had before will leave you ultimately disappointed. You have to break the cycle.
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