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My husband's friend keeps flirting with me...

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 March 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

I am concerned about whether my husband's friend fancies me or just 'winding me up' by flirting. He's a nice guy but I am wary of him.

When we have been out a few times with his wife, he has sometimes winked at me, mirrored my body language, and the last time we all went out he was telling me on the phone the night before that he wanted to get me drunk and when we all went out that evening he was sat opposite me, I tried to avoid eye contact and then he took my glass off me, tried to go and get me another and then told me to hurry up and drink up. His wife thought he was behaving slightly oddly in this behaviour, mind you he was slightly drunk himself. Towards the end of the evening he was tired but everytime I seemed to speak up he livened up. He calls me darling or sweetie when on the phone which my husband's other friends don't, makes occasional innuendo in front of me which doesn't bother me. He even for a laugh wanted to go to the local supermarket with me to go and weigh something after we had had a joke about it one evening and told me that was my mission. When I mentioned it again on the telephone a week later I thought he would tell me he was only joking/winding me up but he still insisted on doing it as we could have 'a right laugh' - luckily we never did go and do this.

His wife seems to be quite a private person, only seeming to want to chat when on her terms and always in a rush to get home when seeing us at school or in the supermarket. She invited us around one Sunday and he made comments like 'come and see my ..... garage' and then when the three of us were sat at the table and I told him an innocent comment about eating cucumber at home (basically because my hubby doesn't like eating it he doesn't like me buying it because I waste it and I said I don't get to have much of this at home) he said 'oh yes do I really want to know this'.

I can normally understand my hubby's friends behaviour, as it is typical male banter and jokes between myself and them but I don't know where he is coming from. Can anyone advise on this one.

View related questions: drunk, flirt

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2005):

He is pushing you to see how far he can go. In a private conversation you need to let him know, and use specific examples, what makes you feel uncomfortable. You must set boundaries and then let him know that the behavior will no longer be tolerated.

If the behavior still happens then you need to let your husband know how it makes you feel and that if it continues you will not include yourself in any activities where that man is.

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A reader, Bridget, writes (11 March 2005):

Tell your husband you feel uncomfortable. Duh!

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