A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my husband for about 3 years. Ever since we got together his ex girlfriend had been in the picture. he had told me he blocked her from everything from emails to AIM's. Lat friday we were looking for house (well he was) and he kept asking me to go sit next to him, i kept saying no because i was watching tv. about 10mins passed by and i decided to go and sit next to him. when i did i saw an IM open and at that moment i didnt know who it was but what threw me off was that he closed his computer and locked it and then he asked me for his power cord when we both knew his damn computer was charging. i got up and sat at the other side of the couch. he came and sat next to me and said "look this is the house , look just look and i did and the IM was closed. i got up and i told my daughter to go to bed then he grabs me and tell me that she had made up a new Screename and contacted him since she was blocked. he finally told me it was his ex and that he was tired of her. i was crying the whole time because i thought he trusted me and was open with me. i probably did wrong by going threw his AOL account but i just had to because i couldnt sleep. When i looked at his contacts i saw that he had her Screename there and he had a nickname for her. when i read her nickname it came to me that i had seen an IM from that nickname and it said "have u been dreaming of me still?" and i thought it was a guy friend acting stupid and now i know it was her. He made that nickname incase i ever saw an IM i wouldnt think it was her.I finally decided to contact her and i told her off. She replied back and told me that they have been talking almost all the time. that he was telling her that i wouldnt leave him alone and he would tell me the same about her. She also told me that they slept together while i was deployed, before he deploed and when he came back from deployment. when i asked him he said "no" thats it. i called her while he was there next to me and she said it out loud all the times he cheated on me and he wasnt even defending himself all he said was "u gotta trust me i didnt cheat on you" and that was it. i really dont know what to believe because i thought he was the perfect man. he still doesnt explain anything all he says is "let it go". I dont know what to do at all and im going crazy! he swore on our baby life that everything she said is not true...but i dont know what to believe. im sooo confused
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cheated on me, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): All signs say he cheated. Does he really care if he hurts his ex's feelings? To him she is a piece on the side, so who cares if he says she is lying right in front of her. Desperate measures when you are busted.
He outright lied to you from the start, telling you she was blocked, when in reality he had a secret screen name from her. Even when you busted him IM'ing her, he made a story that she changed her screen name, circumventing the block. If it was innocent, he would have no problem telling you about the conversations.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): First of all. He shouldnt be dragging your little one into his mess by swearing anything on her life! Ive never trusted anyone that does that sort of thing since a devout Christian swore on a Bible to me over a cheating matter. Later found out he had lied thru his teeth. Just needed something to swear on that he knew i would fall for. So discount that and look at what hes doing. If she said he told her this and that about you. And what hes told you about her is exactly the same. The chances are thoses words arent a coincidence. The chances are, what she told you he says about you is true. You caught him with a message open and it was from her. When you saw that he didnt speak to you about it and complain she had found him again. He closed it down quick smart and tried to cover it up. My gut tells me shes probably being more honest than he is. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt then let it go. If you want to find out whats really going between your husband and his ex then install a key logger on your pc.
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A
female
reader, colliejoan +, writes (30 April 2010):
I'm afraid that if he had a fake screen name for her so you wouldn't know they were talking, things are fishy. I'm not saying he actually cheated, but he's proven that he's capable of lying to you about her.
Men. Is there ever a good one out there?
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A
female
reader, Jesc +, writes (30 April 2010):
 This is a hard situation.
It's wrong of him to swear on a child's life.
Very wrong.
You need to sit and think this over.
First do an approach that is reasonable.
I would call the cops, file harassment, or anything under the same reason. Make him also file it. Tell him "If what you are saying is true than due this, I want you to file a restraining order against her." When this is filed and that women claims all this stuff to them they will search his information as well. So then you can really know.
He might want to fight it and say "let it go". Bring it up to him. You swore on our child's life... You brought an innocent involved in a matter that should have been you and I. Let him know, that you want this to happen. That he can prove to you that what he is saying is the truth.
I know it seems backstabbing and rude, But it's his word against hers. You don't know what to believe you want to believe him but things are just looking bad for both of them.
If everything comes up what he was saying is the truth. Tell him thank you. I was wrong to have my doubts that turned into fear. It's the best you can do in my mind.
I hope for the best.
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