A
female
age
,
*harlie1
writes:my husband for the last year or more hasn't been interested in making love. It started when he could not come then failed to get an erection. I have been trying not to put pressure on him and we talked and he said he just didn't feel like it. Now I have discovered he has been seeing someone and planning to have sex with her. Should I be understanding and work through as he says he still loves me, but doesn't fancy sex with me. What do I do?
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female
reader, charlie1 +, writes (30 July 2007):
charlie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Phil for that info. We have tried Viagra about a year ago and I was surprised what a short time the erection was sustained,just enough for making love, so now I know that it's not completely helpful.He also said it made him feel a bit sick! I suppose the problem is that we've been together 20 yrs. and he's finding it hard to get turned on by soeone he knows so well. Anyone got any tips on how to bring back the mystique?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I'm not sure that a sex therapist would be the answer for me, but no doubt other people are different.
It might be worth him plucking up the courage to go to the doctor for a Viagra prescription. But even with that, sexual excitement is necessary for it to work, it's not an automatic erection facilitator!
Phil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): If I am blunt I would say your floggin a dead horse. My real problem is that this could happen again - 6 months a year from now and are you always going to live in fear? I get the feeling you are looking for answers you want to hear - that say "stay with him" "work it out". Trouble is your man is a cheat - both heart and mind. Yeah sure... try the sex therapy and see. I hope it works but its not a replacement for love which stands the test of time and loyalty.
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A
female
reader, charlie1 +, writes (29 July 2007):
charlie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for responses they really help.He actually said that he would end it immediately but I am so
nervous now as we aren't making love only hugging & if he can't get an erection I feel we're doomed not to get the sex thing sorted & he'll drift back to her! I want to go to a sex therapist & work it out. Don't you thnk that would work?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): If your husband is saying that he wants you to accept that he loves you but wants to have sex with other people then YOU have to decide whether that is a situation you actually want. It is not his right to expect it. Some couples have open relationships and it works - however they are rare. If he is not prepared to work at the lovemaking issues he has within your relationship and you are not prepared to share him I suggest you leave as he is technically cheating and expecting you to put up with it. Of course you can put up with it but aren't you worth more than that? There are a lot of men out there in their 40s and 50s who would be delighted to have a loyal relationship with a woman like you that involves wonderful sex. Don't settle for being a doormat. In the interim I would suggest you enlarge your social life to include male friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): 'Planning' to have sex with her? Who is he trying to fool? He's already been there, which is why he couldn't do the business with you! He was empty!It's up to you whether you accept the situation or not, but I wouldn't tolerate it. Divorce would be the only answer for me.Fran
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