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My husband told me he's "not in love" with me...how do I help us find that spark again? Help

Tagged as: Faded love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2006) 1 Answers - (Newest, 31 January 2006)
A female , *nloved writes:

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 3. He has recently announced he's not 'in love' with me anymore, he has just seen me as a best mate for the past few months. We are still living together, but in seperate rooms.

We went to a counsellor which didn't help. All she wanted to talk about was 'how do we feel valued' by the other and such like. She never actually offered advice on what to do next. My husband doesn't want to see her again.

We know what probably went wrong - there was a lack of sex due to personal problems I had (sorted now) and we spent too much time doing nothing at home (meaning no fun in relationship).

But we can't just turn round and start doing these things as my husband doesn't fancy me anymore, so won't have sex with me.

How do I get him to fall for me again? What steps can we take to get the spark/fun back?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006):

If you to have a good friendship with your husband, then this marriage stands a good chance of being rebuilt. I have a good girlfriend who ran into the same problem as you have. She said the biggest thing they did to save their marriage was a complete "attitude makeover". At first her husband was negative about it all..so she got the ball rolling and in time...he changed his whole perspective. Some things she tried were very sensible ideas but she did say it was a long process..it doesn't happen overnight. So one has to persevere. Some toips she had were: Make an efforts to make your each other laugh whenever possible. Have fun. Be compassionate. Praise and compliment each other's accomplishments. Take care of your physical self- stay trim and in good shape (or make sincere efforts) keep your body healthy, your breath and teeth clean. Stay well-groomed. Give each other small gifts and surprises. Communicate all the time..if one of you is out of town, talk on the telephone at least once each day. Agree on goals you can work on together. Find ways to show support to each other. Always be willing to listen. Agree on the most pleasurable experiences you can enjoy together and do them. Of course, the most effective way to create your marriage strong is to decide to do so. If your desire is strong, you will come up with an unlimited number of ways you can create it. Hopefully over time, you will find each other again. The more intimate, physical aspects will fall into place over time. It's important to build on the 'emotional" aspects first. Great sex is wonderful in a marriage..but to achieve that you have to have a great relationship. Good luck hun and I wish you the best.

Hugs, Irish

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