A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been married for 13 years. My husband and i have always fought in our relationship. Once we fought so bad, while we were dating, that his sister came down into his bedroom crying(who is my age). The next morning I broke it up with him on the phone, while i was on the phone, he asked me to look over at the hutch and open up a box. It was an engagement ring. Yes, as sad as that is, it won me over. He is always jealous and he thinks that I am going to cheat on him. He said he was that way because his girlfriend cheated on him and he was blind and got hurt. So i thought once he really gets to know me, he'll trust me. well it's been 13 years and it is the same situation. I cannot go out without the third degree..and me going out is once every 3-4 months at night. He snaps a lot, even to our children. We have 3. I have been after him for years to go to counseling. at first we had a lot of highs and a lot of lows. Balanced out a little. Now after the kids, the stress is more for him and now there are just lows. He finally started to go to counseling with me and a part of me wants to work it out, mostly for the children. And another part does not want me to work it out. I just don't know what to do. I don't think he will change. He did go to an anger mgt counseling and he said it did nothing because he only changed and I didn't. I'm still not sure what I do that is so bad, but I do know that I am not perfect. I'm just sick of the mis trust. Even has checked my email sneakingly and questioned me on an email that was from a friend of mine talking about a guy. He thought it was me.Please any thoughts would be appreciated. I am really going a little crazy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): What he's doing is interrogating you for what SOMEONE else did to him in the past, and that's NOT fair, and will drive you crazy.
He needs to Get over and I mean Get over this or he will wear you down to give up.
This is hard, but you should tell him, from now on, if he accuses you without Hard Evidence, then you Will Not answer him. I mean, don't even acknowledge his accusation. I'm going through this, and this seems to be the only thing thats working. Just don't even say anything back. It's finally getting through to him, and he doesn't like being ignored. This will take a while for him to be re-trained so to speak :} since this has been going on for years. When we get upset, he wins, plus we make ourselves miserable. I'm hope I'm helping you some, it sounds like he really loves you, but can't get over his past.
You need to take time for yourself too! Do things you enjoy to get your mind off problems at home, this is therapy too. He needs to know you love/care about him, but he's pushing you away, and soon you won't be able to take it anymore if nothing improves.
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