A
female
age
36-40,
*ngelwings
writes:I am really lost. I am married at the moment and my husband makes me want to die. I feel like he is constantly trying to change me, and he is so demanding and controlling. i feel like he is the only one who has benefited getting married. i have had the same job for about 3 years now, and our manger is a bitch to everyone. we like each other though. i think she has started to notice how he just demands and never asks for stuff, and is being a little bit more of a bitch to my husband. anyways its like everyday for the past 2 months a day does not go by that he doesnt complain about that manager. he told me that if they got in a fight that he wanted me to talk out too no questions asked. i love my job, i need the money desperately. so anways they got in a fight and he cussed her out. and he knew that he would not get fired becaue she likes me so much. so he didnt get fired. he went out of his way to start a fight with her. it was a relief to get him to stop complaing about her. i told him i didnt want to hear about it anymore but he still doesnt stop. its like as soon as i egt home from work "did she say anything shes such a f*#king c*#t". am i wrong to not want to walk out?
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male
reader, HeartBlossom  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Wow, the job really doesn't seem like the important issue here. The question in my mind is would you be wrong not to want to walk out on the marriage. Your relationship should be rewarding to both of you on many levels. You should both feel warmth and pride in each other. You should spend time talking together, sharing in responsibilities together, and just enjoying life together. It sounds like you're very far from that, but perhaps your husband doesn't realize it, if he's getting so much out of the relationship. Breaking the news to him could be difficult if he's so controlling and quick to anger, but it may be time to express serious doubts while also (if you still care for him) asking him to please help you not feel depressed about how things are. Since he anticipates your loyalty so strongly, he may be truly shocked and surprised at the depth of your feelings, but perhaps he'll understand that honesty in this case is a sign of some continued loyalty--if you really wanted to be disloyal, you'd just go.
A
female
reader, KittenMagic +, writes (5 December 2007):
 No, you're not wrong.
He needs to remember that there are TWO people in the relationship. He sounds very controlling, and almost as if he overlooks and ignores you and your feelings?
Don't let him. It's YOUR job, so don't let him ruin it for you. You need the money, and shouldn't have to have your life ruined by a control freak that he sounds like.
Tell him how you feel, or if thats too hard perhaps print out this page and leave it somewhere where he will notice, or leave the monitor on this when you know he will find it. Hopefully this will be the wake-up call that he needs.
Best of luck!
Kitten x
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