A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I'm Tania, and I've got a grown-up son who's 22, and a daughter who's 23. Both are doing well in their jobs, my 22-year-old son a freelance website designer, and my 23-year-old daughter who is a motor mechanic.After 16 years of marriage, my husband left me - and who it was for was even more shocking. He loved me so much, so why would he do it?I came back from work to find a letter on the stairs addressed to me. It was written by my husband and he said he'd left me for another man, who had a beer belly, a receding hairline and was in his 50's. He didn't go into great detail about why he'd left, but the best I could infer was that they were in some sort of relationship. The letter also ended saying that he wanted nothing more to do with me unless he said so.I haven't told our children about this, worrying about their reaction.I did try calling his mobile but got no response from him, just an automated service.I really love him and just don't get why he did this. He's also never shown any sexual feelings for men before, so why the hell did he do this?I wonder if he's having some mid-life crisis - obviously I haven't talked to him because I can't get hold of him.I just miss him so much and want to get help but have no idea where to go or who to turn to for it. Thanks for reading this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Wow! That's awful! My Uncle just did the same thing to my aunt. She's a complete and total mess. I really wish you could talk to her. She has nothing and feels she has no one. My heart breaks for her and I have no idea what to do for her? She really has no friends and that's why I think this is so very hard on her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): What an awful man. He's properly gay and has been hiding it for years and it sounds like you had no clue. I'm so sorry that he wasted both the best years of your life living a lie. He's pathetic. I don't get gay men prentding to marry a woman to try and live the straight lifestyle, it's unfair on the partner
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): what a the cowardly manner in which he left you.
please do not shield him, tell your kids exactly what he has done. he has betrayed your lives together, he had no decency in telling you face to face. he left you to face the music alone.
you may love him, and since this is so unexpected, it will take a while to get over this. but one day after the tears have dried you, and the pain ceases, you will thrive, you will love again and heal. it may be very far in the future but you will get through this. I promise you.
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 Right now you need to worry less about him and more about yourself. Tell your children as they have a right to know what is going on in their family. Is he their father? Would they eventually be able to contact him?
Look, your kids love you, and they want to see you be happy. You were there to comfort them when they were growing up, and now you have two successful, mature adults who would like nothing more than to return the favor to you.
Tell them, and let them help you through this. I would find counseling either from a therapist or through your church if you belong to one.
Give yourself time to let your mind stop racing. Then, if you want to, you can try to get a hold of him by contacting his family/ work/ friends etc. Who knows what was going through his mind. But he is not the issue here, you are.
Take care of yourself, and let your family be there for you.
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