A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 12-year-old son recently complained to me that 'Dad was too fat to hug' when he tried to give him a cuddle as he was telling him about his day at school. He's doing well at school, getting good marks in his work.I spoke to my husband about it, and said we should go the doctor's - which we did, and I was astonished to find my husband weighed 27 stone.A year ago he was 13 stone, which is a fairly healthy weight, but now he's 27 stone, which shocked me.How he gained this weight I have no idea, as I cook healthy meals for the family. I suspect, but am not certain, that he may have started over-eating elsewhere.I've tried to ask why he's become like this, but he won't discuss it and insists "It's better to be fat and happy than thin and unhappy!". I asked in a sensitive and calm manner, but that was the only response I got from him.He's not depressed, as he's still his usual jolly self, so that cause can safely be ruled out.His weight makes it impossible for us to have sex, but despite that, his sex drive has shot up - previously he didn't want sex very often!I feel upset by this, and can't get my head round why he's become so big.How can I cope with this and get him to try and slim down?? It's not for the sake of his looks, but his health!!I don't go on at him about it, but I have tried to show concern but he just laughs it off.what should I do?Marissa
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): The variety of answers just says that we don't have enough information. And perhaps you don't, either.
I hate to tread this ground, but there may be a cultural thing. All we have to go on is the flag by your name, so forgive me if I'm stepping out of line -- the aboriginal population in the South Seas, Australia and New Zealand are known for obesity. Is he a member of that population, and just happy to fit in?
If that's not the case, then I have to wonder if, outward appearances notwithstanding, there's an issue with depression. He might well understand the health consequences, and be content to passively let them take their course. In other words, to die without overtly killing himself. That way you can collect the insurance and take care of the children. I know that's an 'out there' interpretation. Just wanted to toss another idea into the mix.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): This is like a big joke to him. And he probably thinks it's funny to act like he wants more sex to see if you will actually do it with him, now that he's bigger, to see your reactions to a bigger man wanting you.
You should get his thyroid tested. Some people eat very little and still gain lots of weight, regardless of thyroid, though. They body goes into this thing called "starvation mode" if they aren't eating enough and get too busy to eat adequately.
Get his thyroid tested, and if this if fine, go see either an endocrinologist, or a nutritionist, or both. Perhaps do some research on what you think would be best for him, because I know that you can't see every doctor in the world, and that doctors cost money.
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