A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am mostly unhappy in my marriage. I am 27 in a 10 year relationship with 3 kids. My husband has a drinking a problem which he recognizes. He tries to improve and he does, but when he falls back it is horrible. He is a controlling manipulator. He has also gotten physically abusive with me, maybe about 5 times over the years. i recognize this is not that bad compared to other stories. However, I am tired of this cycle. He could be the best when he's good and so unbearable during his bad. I can live without the good if it means I will be at peace at times, but I am stuck. He can't be rational with me about what's going on much less about any solutions. May I add everything is my fault except when he wants to play the victim role. This is just a brief summary of what I am going through. Please tell me something. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 He's got responsibilities, and he's not ready to own up to his mistakes. It's not really the alcohol. Alcohol tends to bring out that part of us that we hide by inhibiting the wall of sorts that we put up to stop that part of us... You should definitely get a divorce at this point... He's hitting you, regardless of alcohol. General note, though, all alcoholics aren't the same... I got dumped, and kinda became one, but I don't want help because I don't want to feel anything at all. I don't abuse anyone or hurt anyone, I just keep myself numb, and it helps.
A
female
reader, Meetoo +, writes (25 November 2012):
"Mystiquek" - you are absolutely right ! My husband of 23 years is also an alcoholic. He is also delusional and making everyone's life a living hell. You are very young with children - please get out of this marriage.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (25 November 2012):
 I was married to an alcoholic. It is a life of hell. Your life will continue into a downward spiral unless your husband gets help. The abuse may get worse. My husband was very abusive mentally but not physically. It didn't matter. I was scared, miserable and didn't know how to handle things. I begged him to get help and he refused. I walked out of the marriage and never felt one bit bad about it. Bottom line...unless your husband gets help, goes to rehab, gets counselling..you will continue to have a life of hell. An alcoholic has to WANT help, you can't force them. You can and should get counselling for yourself/children and go to Al-Anon meetings, but ultimately you must decided if you want to continue with things the way they are. Its not a nice life for your children, please think of them if not yourself. My ex chose alcohol over his wife, his family, and his job. He is STILL an alcoholic 15 years later because he doesn't care about anything but the booze. At 60, he looks 75. He can't walk, has to use either a cane or a motorized scooter, was put in a nursing home told he had cirrhosis of the liver and had only weeks to live..somehow he survived that. It STILL didn't stop him from drinking. Any day I expect to hear that he's died. Again, your husband has to want to change...if he doesn't..get out now. Go to your family, friends, a shelter if you need to, but do not continue to let his drinking control you and your children's lives. I wish you all the best..if I can help please feel free to private message me. I've been there and survived.
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